Too much candy'll rot your soul

Here's a picture of Nick with my flat tire. We were driving down I-94 this weekend chatting with the music playing rather loudly when I started to hear this strange phlumpf phlumpf phlumpf noise. I turned down the music and asked "Is that my car or is that the road?" Nick said that he thought it was the car but I said, "No, I think it's the road." and started to change lanes when my tire shredded revealing that it was definitely my car. Luckily Nick was with me and enjoys changing tires because it makes him feel very manly. It was quite the adventure on the way to Kendra/Brandon's birthday celebration in Royal Oak.

After work today I went to the tire store to see if I had a warranty as I had only bought this tire 4 months ago. It turns out I did have a warranty and about an hour later I was driving away with my new tire only $6.36 poorer. It was lovely.

Today was a strange day at work. 3 people called in sick leaving me and Pat, our med records gal, as the ones mainly answering the phones. I didn't get nearly as much done today as I would've like but it was a very low stress day at work considering. I just sat at my desk and answered the phones occassionally checking gameday to see how the Tigers were doing.

I'm watching the replay on FSN now even though I know they've lost. I'm not going to watch the whole thing but it's nice to see my boys again. Sadly Polanco was 0-6 which makes me concerned about being a Tiger jinx. Maybe I should stop showing preferences because they're usually followed by trading or poor performance. Either that or I should start showing a preference for Rodney in hopes that they send him away. Gary Sheffield looks much younger without facial hair.

I think I'm going to do dishes. I'm feeling productive today.

Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness

Am feeling strangely melancholy despite having quite a lovely evening with my mother. I don't know quite what to make of it.

Today was actually a refreshingly productive day at work. I got several projects done and had only one solitary chart at my desk when I left.

My mom and I went to see Vantage Point. It was kind of a silly movie. For the first half they were exploring various vantage points and then they got bored of that and the second half was just a regular movie. Also, I figured out who the secret bad guy was way before they told me, but I will not reveal that here in case somebody stumbles upon this who desperately wants to see it. After the movie we got some dinner and then sat around my apartment for awhile. I hadn't really talked to my mom in quite some time. It was strange to realize that. I've been quite distracted lately.

Am very sleepy which probably is adding to the melancholy. I think I'm going to read my book for awhile and then turn in.

Happy Birthday, Kendra. This weekend will be wicked awesome.

If I close my eyes no one can see me.

Sadly, today was nowhere near as productive as yesterday. Yesterday was full of hope and motivation for building a better tomorrow. Today was full of inexplicable tiredness which then led to a very lazy post-work day. All I've really done since I came home was lie in bed watching things on my computer. I watched a really terrible movie on Netflix called My First Wedding starring Rachel Leigh Cook. She's in a lot of bad movies. Then I think I fell asleep for awhile and after that I caught up on Medium. I don't remember what I did after that but it somehow led to now where I'm blogging about my useless lethargy. I have a dentist apppointment tomorrow. My window is open because I like fresh air but my heater keeps coming on so I should probably close it.

put it in a boat, send it out to sea

I'm feeling very clear-headed today. For several months now I've felt like my aura was cloudy. I've felt out of sorts and not quite myself. Today I had an epiphany of what my problem was: I've been losing perspective. I've been too concerned about what other people were thinking and more worried about the offenses that given to me than the offenses I've given to others. People are too complicated. I can't control what they think and do, but I can control me. I'm all about controlling me. I tell me what to do all the time. Ah, yes, deep thoughts. Cleansing to share and yet pretentious and irritating to read back later. I really think I'm on to something here though.

Today was another day at work. I didn't get as much done as I would've liked despite working my full 8 hours. I think I'm going to see if I can stay late a few nights and see if I can get to a point where I don't dread coming to work because of that feeling of hopelessness. I'm cleaning my kitchen today. I'm actually almost done washing all of my dishes. I haven't had every single dish washed for months. I also get lazy before I'm done, but today I'm determined. I will wash these dishes and cook some turkey helper and watch Britney Spears on How I Met Your Mother. That sounds lovely.

I eated the purple berries.

Easter. I celebrated it at my grandparents house. That's my grandpa there. We ate ham and deviled eggs. I played hide 'n seek with Cece & Galileo. I wore my new green shirt that I bought even though I was told it made me look sallow. Maybe it does but it has flowers on it and felt very springy & eastery. I'll be glad when this snow melts.

After I came home I watched half of Hollywoodland and then fell asleep. I'll watch the other half tomorrow maybe. I ate chicken nuggets around 9:00 because that was when I woke up. I don't like to fall asleep when it's light and wake up in the dark. It throws off my whole system. Now I'm going to sleep again. Only it started out dark this time so it'll be ok. Good night.

I blew my nose and lettuce came out

I've never been to Pappy's, but the sign has always been intriguing. Mostly because of the burro. I like to say burro. Sometimes when people are deciding where to eat I suggest Pappy's just so I can bring up this sign with the burro.

Went to the Laughing Post last night to see Tracy Morgan. It was painfully bad. I knew no good would come of it after he opened his act by mumbling "Suck my cock. You wanna suck my cock. Suck my cock." for two minutes straight. He did not seem to be present in the room with us but rather in a magical land in his brain where liquor flowed like water and all conversations led to "pussy." Terrible. It was a shame.

After the show Jane wanted to go immediately back to her car which was at Nick's house. Once we were there Nick wanted to go back out and so we said goodbye to Jane and we headed back downtown to Metro which turned out to be surprisingly pleasant. People just kept telling me they liked me. I love it when people tell me they like me. It makes me like them. Then Metro closed and we wound up following two random guys to one of Nick's friend's apartment. I don't know about those guys. By this time it was way past my bedtime though and shortly thereafter I was sleeping. The End.

In like a lamb, out like a lion.

This is my car stuck in the frozen tundra that is the parking lot outside my apartment. It's stuck there. I thought I could carve a path, but no, the snow is fierce. Tomorrow I'm going to borrow Nick's snow shovel and see if I can dig it out. It's out of the main driveway, but hardly parked in a proper fashion. Stupid snow. It's supposed to be spring.

We had a meeting at work today. We each had to go around and say one thing that frustrated us about our job and then we had to say one thing positive about it. Everyone varied on the negative but on the positive everyone commented on what a good group of people we have working there and how well we get along. Everyone except me. I said that I liked it when the drug reps brought in free lunch. They laughed but it really is my favorite part. The free food and paycheck is what keeps me coming back.

Went out with Brad, Jim, Jane & Nick to Olde Peninsula. I had a cheeseburger. i can has cheezburger. Cat humor is mostly lost on me but that doesn't mean it doesn't pop into my head every now and then. I'se sleepy. That's just the truth.

In the winter of my life

Here's a picture of an anti-war protest taking place in downtown Grand Rapids. On Saturday I was sitting in a parking garage reading a book when I started hearing this strange rythmic noise from outside my car. At first it was inexplicable. Just noise. Then as I listened harder it started to turn into voices. After a few moments I began to make out the words "NO MORE WAR!" over and over. I got out of my car and walked to the edge of the parking garage and saw the several hundred people I imagined just passing through with their banners. I had never seen such a large random protest. Why March 15th? Maybe I'm displaying my ignorance of current affairs. I do know there's a war going on, but there were just so many people...

My father has turned 60 years old. On Saturday we had tapas for his birthday. It's hard to eat tapas with 8 people. My ideal would be tapas for one and that one being me, but I suppose that defeats the purpose of tapas. I had a slumber party with Kennedy and her fam directly afterwards. We ate pizza and played rock band. I was super cool - especially when you're a four year old. I spent a poorly slept night in those little girls' room. Lila was having bad dreams and Kennedy occasionally had to get up for a drink and I'm a light sleeper. That combo did not add up to sweet dreams for me.

I went to Little Women auditions last night. They had me read for Jo six times and then called me back for Aunt March. Apparently, they saw me as an old woman. It's a little confusing as there actually are genuine old women who will probably get the part over me as, but I will go and play along.

That's my weekend in a nutshell. Now I must sleep as I am sick again.

nothing feels the way it was before and I don't know how to proceed

I don't really feel like typing much about tonight. Things got strange. I was cranky. Weird inadvertent fighting where nobody was actually fighting. Etc.

Started out fun. Went to a show with Nick. Molly was there. There were trees to climb, sculptures to jump through, benches to sit on a pictures to take.

Went to Burdicks. Kind of hate Burdicks. Makes Mary cranky. Stupid Burdicks.

I think my vocal cords are bleeding and growing nodules.

Am mess.

dining on bits of moon

I can't seem to fully get rid of the vomit smell in my bathroom. Something has to be done. I've cleaned everything multiple times and yet still there's an odor. I need to borrow my mom's air filter or get some air santizer or something. Ugh, very unfortunate.

This is Nick at Target. We randomly stopped at Target after we went to Coldstone to get the ice cream that was very delicious but made me feel very badly in my belly. Nick was fascinated by this toy that you could make move forward just by turning the little steering wheel. It was fun. One thing I know about Nick: when I'm with him I stay up too late. I should be sleeping. We sang for awhile. My voice is jacked. It needs water and rest. Just like the rest of me.

There was puke in my hair.

This is Kristin. This was taken on Sunday. She looks all pleasant and fun-loving. She looks like she's having some laughs. This was before I knew Kristing infected me with some sort of projectile-vomit-causing bug. Boo, Kristin. There was puke in my hair! There was also puke all over my bathroom. So not only did I have to deal with the puking in the first place, but then I had to relive the grossness by cleaning it up. I went through quite a lot of papertowels.

I'm not going to work tomorrow. I already called Tammy. Ugh, I feel gross. I'm going to bed. At least Kristin says that it's only a 24 hour bug. Maybe when it's over she can be redeemed.

punching sheep and squealing "Sheeeeeee!"

This picture was taken yesterday which feels remarkably far away from right now. It's a little bizarre. My sense of time is not what it used to be. Galileo came out of the playroom with this same bucket on his head that Lila came out with on her head a few weeks ago. I don't know what it is with those babies and puting this bucket on their head but it's hilarious everytime and I hope they keep doing it. It was a bucket I brought home from the hotel we stayed at the weekend of Kendra's wedding. It used to have goodies in it for wedding guests, now it just has baby heads.

Today was extremely dull, occasionally frustrating and overall pointless. I hate pointless days. Today leaving work it was a touch springy out (I think just because it wasn't freezing) and for a moment I remembered what life used to be like when I was doing things I wanted to do. It was so long ago. I need to find out what I want to do and do it because things used to be a lot more fun. I think that was about 8 years ago and did I appreciate the fun then. No, I did not. Oh, life, why do always teach me lessons by way of hindsight? I wish I knew what I wanted to do. Right now I want to sleep.

Please don't stop the music

This is kind of a funny picture of my dad. It's rare that you catch him in a solo shot smiling and having his eyes open. Remember this picture, for it may not happen again. He's generally determined to frown at cameras because he finds it amusing and his eyes just automatically close of their own accord even though you'd swear to God they were wide open when the flash went off. Haha, got you, Dad.

We had brunch this morning because of Aunt Mary visiting from Idaho. It was a big todo. Several relatives. The overwhelming feeling several relatives in a small room brings. Etc. etc. Babies are fun though and now apparently number five is on the way. Welcome new baby, see you soon. And by soon I mean October which isn't terribly soon but still soon enough.

I washed several dishes today. Nick came home from New York. We went to Qdoba for dinner. It made us feel sick. Ugh, Qdoba, but oh how I love your limey-salty chips. Nick's coming to Kendra's bday celebration with me. That's fun. Now sleepy. No more typing.

The bear went over the mountain

I spent the whole day all by myself. It was a little bit boring. I never get enough done when left to my own devices because there's no one to hold me accountable except for me and I let myself slack. I woke up at 8:oo this morning and watched Groundhog Day online at Netflix. I hadn't seen it in awhile. It's entertaining but gets a little draggy in parts. Then I took a shower. Yesterday my hot water was having a problem. It was sputtering and coming out rusty. It was gross. I had decided I would see if it fixed itself and then call maintenance if I didn't, but it did. Hooray. I didn't have to do a thing and I got to shower. I was a winner all around.

The bulk of the morning was spent tidying. Alas, I went through the bedroom and bathroom but did not make it to the kitchen before I got lazy. I never seem to make it to the kitchen. That's why I'm out of clean forks again. Around 3:00 I got sleepy. I didn't really want to nap though so I thought I would just rest on the loveseat for a moment. I figured that since it's not full-body-sized I wouldn't be able to get comfortable enough to really doze off. The next thing I knew it was 5:30.

I went grocery shopping. There's so much food in my refrigerator. It's crazy. When I was at Meijer I passed by two middle school aged girls discussing politics. One of them was telling her friend how Hillary was only running so she could make Bill her vice president and then step down once all was said and done. That tricky Hillary finding a loophole in the two terms only rule. That 13 year has your number, Hill, you watch out.

Nick & Jane called around 8ish to say hello and wonder what I was doing tonight. I told them I was doing nothing. I told them I was spending the whole day all by my lonesome. They asked me if that was really what I wanted to do. No, not really, but I'm too lazy to call people and that's all there is to it. They're in NYC. I wish I was too.

Last night I went to see Penelope with Kelly DiPisa. It was cute with several flaws. I wish I could give half stars when I rate movies on Netflix. I saw that movie as a clear 3.5, but could only give it a 3 because I always round down rather than up. Just like one should when playing The Price is Right.

I think I'm done now.

Potter's wand

My aunt Mary is in town from Idaho. I had dinner at Grandma Lee's. We ate chicken. Here is a picture of my dad and his sisters when they were younger. I like my family.

Work is still frustrating. It's better if I don't discuss. I wish today were Friday rather than Thursday. It does no good to wish your life away though.

Today was fine overall. Just not very interesting for the bulk of it.

He said hey get the f*** off my back!

Here's a picture of a boatload of work that I had to do today. I wound up staying at the office until 6:30 and still feel like I hardly accomplished anything. I'm losing my mind there. I can feel my creativity drying up and my spirit being bled dry. I shouldn't complain so much. It was just a bad day. And by bad day I'm pretty sure I mean bad couple of months.

A woman called while we were working overtime. The phones had been turned off but somehow she was dialing in on a number that rang throughout the entire office, including the doctors offices, in spite of that fact. I had a very bizarre chat with her around 5:2o in which she was most unhelpful in telling me what she wanted and who had given her this number. She called back about 2 minutes later and I didn't pick up right away because I was already frustrated from the first time I spoke with her. The phone stopped ringing and I thought I was homefree until Dr. Webb came out of his office asking who had called this woman that had just rang in his office. He had her on hold. I ran in there and talked to her for a minute - she had given me the wrong callback number. Then she called back for a 3rd time saying that she thought the original person who had called her had been named Flora. We don't have anyone named Flora working in our office. I told her I would ask around tomorrow and try to have someone call her back then. Finally the phone was silent.

Nick is in New York having meetings with Julia Stiles and I'm sitting in Portage buried in a mountain of paperwork fielding calls from people who can't pronounce Hanavan. Le sigh. I should start focusing on the positive. Right now I feel too lazy to give myself a pep talk though and there's no one else to do it. I'm stuck wallowing. Boo me & my wallow. Wallows never did anyone any good. The things I got done today by working overtime I don't have to do tomorrow which will give me more time to spend on the things I haven't been able to get to. Also, tomorrow's pay day. That's a plus. Silver linings all around.

What a life I might have known

Here are Nicky & J.J. This was not taken recently, but last summer when both we're here in the 'zoo. Jane is currently in New York and tomorrow Nick is leaving to be there for six days. I'm going to be terribly bored. Maybe this'll be a good time for me to focus on improving me. I'll read those books I've been meaning to and clean up my apartment and work on my resume and do the zillion other boring things I should've been doing but instead decided I didn't want to do and so called Nick instead. It would be a lot easier to motivate myself if it were spring outside.

The day started out lovely. When I walked out my door to go to work it was a balmy 48 degrees. Perfectly lovely considering what the weather was like lately. It kept getting colder throughout the day though and now it is a lowly 28 degrees with only a predicted high of 33 tomorrow. Or today rather. It's past midnight. This winter seems to be dragging on quite a bit longer than the last few. I don't know why, I'm sure it's just normal, but it still feels that way. Doesn't mother nature know I have things to do that involve warm weather which leads to improved spirits.

I made turkey tacos at Nick's house this evening. Turkey tacos also lead to improved spirits but alas that was hours ago. I think only one thing can save that situation. Sleep. Ah, always sleep. It's not even a surprise ending. All my entries end with sleep.

that slippery slope.

I've been slacking on both the picture-taking and blogging front. I'd imagine it's only going to get worse from here, but we'll see. Last night I went to the Whole Art and saw Secretaries. It was entertaining and I laughed & clapped at the end, but the rest of the room decided to stand whilst clapping at the end and then I had to stand by default. It made me feel cheap. I've never been big on standing ovations unless something is so spectacular it truly blows my mind. If there's a little brain oozing out my ear then, and only then, will I be inclined to volunteer the standing O otherwise it just feels phony. I was amused, I just didn't feel motivated to stand. My brain was firmly intact.

Today was Schuler's day in Marshall. I feel very out of touch with familial traditions lately. I don't know why. We've been going to Schuler's for Grandpa & Dad's birthdays for my entire life and this year it felt like it just zipped by with very little notice. I need a vacation. Or a vision quest to help me find my purpose and become closer to the earth. Right now I will settle for a bowl of soup and maybe some microwave popcorn. I wonder what's on TV.