Haute cuisine

This is what I'm cooking right now. Looks delicious, no? No? Wait, you really mean no? Yeah, I know. Another example of why I'm somewhat of a disaster. For some reason, despite my sickness (or perhaps because of the cabin fever it caused) I decided to go out after rehearsal. We were going to go to Food Dance but then wound up at Burdick's because it turns out Food Dance closes at 10:00. I think that's a stupid time for a restaurant to close, but I digress. When I arrived at Burdick's I wound up on the end of the table again right next to a window which I, of course, had to stare out of simply because it was there. Eventually I was promoted to the middle of the table so I could hear the conversations all around, but I still sat there like a lump. I blame the congestion.

I got home ready to jump into bed and settle down for the night with an episode of Dexter (which does seem to be my ritual this week) when I realized I'd forgotten completely about the potluck that I bought cocktail weenies for earlier this evening. Agitated by my previous lumpliness, my not getting to go to bed, and my not getting to watched Dexter, I sluffed back to the kitchen and got out my big pan and poured two pounds of weenie in it followed shortly by a large jar of mustard. It was not until this point, the point where the situation was un-undoable, that my common sense voice said, "Mary, why would you put those weenies in before the sauce was made. Weenies go in last. Everybody knows that." It was too late though, TOO LATE. So I just poured in the rest of the ingredients and there you have it. I'll take this moment to thank any of you smutty folk not to take my words about weenies out of context as would be wholly inappropriate as you know perfectly well that I am only talking about small hot dogs. Nevertheless, there it is, all in one big pan on the stove. I'm going to put it in the refrigerator tonight and then tomorrow take it to work in my crockpot which Mikka was lovely enough to give me for my birthday. Knowing me I won't be able to work it properly and potluck time will come and all the weenies will be stone cold. Or my crockpot will have exploded and there'll be weenie sauce all over the wall. (Yeah, yeah, I know, I make resisting the weenie jokes hard... that's what she said.) Well, I'm off to tend to my weenies. Stupid trying to be better about potlucks.

Congestion jestion what's your festion

I went to rehearsal today. I did miss work but I made it to rehearsal where I lost my voice for part of it and coughed through the rest. We were on the stage today. It seems a bit more closed in than the rehearsal space leading me to find myself in strange places. This picture is of the stage with no flash. It's smudgy. Maybe that's how I meant it though. Maybe it's an example of the duplictiousness of human nature. Maybe.

I'm still sick. I feel tired. I'm going to watch an episode of Dexter and sleep. I didn't eat dinner. I'm a little hungry.

Unclean! Unclean!

This is D&W. It's the only place I managed to go today and it was a lot of effort. I've been feeling dreadful all day. I didn't go to work. I thought I would go to rehearsal but then I realized that it was just not going to happen so I didn't. I spent most of the day with my eyes closed, sometimes asleep sometimes not. I'm terrible at taking care of myself when I'm sick. It didn't even really occur to me to take DayQuil until 6:00 pm and that was in attempts to feel well enough to rehearse. I didn't really eat much of anything for the bulk of the day. The first time I ingested anything was around 5:30 when I had a few sips of water and a clementine. After this trip to D&W I did eat some chicken nuggets and some corn. I felt a lot better after that but now I'm starting to crash again. My nose is stuffed now. I don't know why, it wasn't before and it makes me irritated. I'm still supposed to be under the protective umbrella of my DayQuil, but apparently it's not doing the job. Anyway, tired now.

You put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up

I took pictures of my desk today. These aren't them. This is what my desk looked like on Friday. I wish I had the picture of today to show because the whole point of my taking it was to display the mountains of work that appeared on it today, but sadly I cannot. My camera is in my purse which is in the living room and everytime I leave my bed I get unbearably cold & achy and feel a little bit like puking. I don't quite know what's wrong with me. I felt fine this morning but then I started coughing and a little while later started with the whole achy thing. A little after 1:00 pm is when the chills started coming on but I thought it was just because our office is so cold. When I walked out to my car at 5:00 the freezing rain coming down was almost like torture. I still had to stop at Old Navy though because of yesterday's laziness. I guess I didn't really have to but I did anyway. After that I went to rehearsal where I put the kibosh (as did everone else) on me kissing anyone and also made my sore throat worse by not taking it easy on my raucous laughter during the party scene.

I got home around 9ish and ate some fast food dinner which I'm almost certain I will orally expel within a couple hours. I've decided if I throw up I don't have to go to work tomorrow. Even if I don't throw up but still feel absolutely dreadful by 7am I think I will still not go tomorrow. As much as I would love a day off though, I'm crossing my fingers that I feel better due to the aforementioned mountains of work to do. Also, being sick is a bummer.

I've been trying to watch Dexter. I've seen two episodes and can't decide if I like it or not. The story is strong but I'm having a little bit of trouble fully accepting our anti-hero. Anyway, sleepy.

Don't look back in anger, I heard you say.

Emily & Zeke were in town today. That was a fun surprise. They're good eggs. I like them. We went to Main St. Pub. Nick & Nathan showed up a little bit later. I ate pretzel bites with cheese inside.

Sometimes when I'm doing a play it takes up so much of my time that I forget what normal life is like. I'm missing normal life a bit. I miss going to the gym with my mom on Thursdays and vegging out in front of the TV and eating at regular hours. I'm having a lot of fun, but sometimes I just get tired. Today I feel tired. I was going to watch Hollywoodland with my parents and do my laundry, but then I got that text message from Emily and made plans to go out without really thinking about how my entire week is filled up and I won't really have a chance to do either of those things until next weekend and that's if I'm lucky. I think tech day is next Sunday. I should probably check on that. At any rate, I'm going shopping for a few new clothes tomorrow after work so I can handle my lack of laundry doing this weekend.

Worn out & cranky = sleepy time. Zzzzzzzzzz.

she just a girl who claims that I am the one.

I spent the bulk of the day at my parents' house helping my mom take care of babies. I was in charge of taking Cece to dance class at 10:00. It was weird there. They would only talk to Cece, never to me. Sure, they didn't know who I was and yes I could've remedied that quickly, but I still thought it was odd. Cece did well during the first half hour of ballet. She only came out once for a bathroom break. However about 15 minutes into the second half hour (which was tap) she came back out sans shoes and proclaiming that she didn't want to dance anymore. "No! I don't want to do anything!" she exclaimed dramatically, tossing her head and closing her eyes in exasperation. So, I made her go back in to collect her shoes and we left. In all fairness, she had woken up at 3:30 that morning and not gone back to sleep since. She was in desperate need of a nap. So, we made a quick stop at Hardings, where she was briefly desolated by the fact that we were not shopping for flowers or birthday cards but only for diapers for Galileo, and then we headed back to Grandma's house. Once there, we ate lunch and then she & Galileo took a snooze which improved everybody's moods.

The rest of the day was mostly uneventful. I watched a lot of TLC today. For some reason the Miss America pageant was on TLC. That seemed odd to me, but here's exciting: Miss Michigan won. Yay, Miss Michigan! I don't think I've ever seen Michigan win Miss America. I saw one win Miss USA once when I was much smaller, but never Miss America. I took a picture even though it was TV and pictures of TV never turn out well. That is all.

And hide you shall forever by my side.

I'm not a big fan of sitting towards the end of a table because sometimes it's hard to hear the conversation and then you're just left to your own devices whilst silently eating your food. Sometimes while you're sitting there eating your food people will occasionally look at you expectantly as if you are supposed to add something or comment on whatever, but it's no good because you didn't hear whatever that something was. It's cool though. You just need to lean forward and really concentrate on what's happening and then everything's fine. Someday you will wind up in the middle. Someday.

We went to the Union after rehearsal but they wanted to make us wait for an hour so then we left and went to O.P. instead. I had a buffalo chicken wrap. I was sitting at the end but it wasn't too big of a deal on account of I learned that leaning in and concentrating trick. Tallis sat on the end too, but he wasn't as keen on the leaning in. I think he must have better ears than I do. Here's a picture of us being hardcore and wearing hats on the end.Yup, you don't mess with those people on the end. They will cut you. I think that's enough for now. I'm sleepy and I get to take Cece to dance class tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it's going to be awesome.

There is a castle on a cloud

Again, I did not take this picture today. According to the folder I uploaded it from I took it on the 16th. I've been increasingly lazy about taking pictures lately. I haven't crapped out on the blogging quite yet though. In yo face, new year's resolution.

I thought I might be at Burdick's right now. I made the mistake of getting into bed though and now I can't imagine going back outside into the cold cold world and driving all the way back downtown. I really am having fun at rehearsal though. Our cast is full of good eggs.

I left my TV on in the other room. I can hear Michael Vaughn talking to me. Only he's not Michael Vaughn anymore he's some other guy in some show that I hate about spoiled rich men with too many mistresses. The shows about spoiled rich women I can somewhat relate to as I am a woman myself, but the ones with men just grate on my nerves.

I'm trying to think of interesting things that happened today and not coming up with too much. I'm starting to feel a bit more myself today. I think I've just been victim to the winter doldrums. I'm thinking of starting The Artist's Way again, but I'll really have to work on controlling my knee-jerk scoff reflex first. I must be open and letting the unblocking of my creativity begin. I'll work on that later. Right now I'm sleepy and I'm going to bed.

Louise Hanavan says she loves the fresh eggs.

I didn't take this picture. Someone in Nova Scotia took this picture for their Nova Scotian newspaper which tells sad stories about people having to give their chickens away. They took away Louise's chickens because some jerk neighbor named Reg claims their feed is attracting rats. Lame, Reg, lame. I think you were just jealous that you didn't think of having chickens first so you had to ruin it for everybody. Geez, Reg, get over it.

The pictures I took today were of the Wendy's drive-thru because I was lazy and had fast food for lunch. I've been feeling out of sorts lately. That generally leads to some unfortunate instances of fast food eatage. I can't quite figure out what's wrong with me. Everything just feels off lately. Like when I accidentally switch my contacts and my left eye sees too well and my right not well enough. Everything looks mostly okay if I just stare straight ahead but if I look all around everything is askew. It's past my bedtime. I need to sleep. Maybe things'll be brighter in the morning.

Lazy Hazy Days

I didn't take this picture today. The only pictures I took today were of some models in a scrubs catalog and that was because their scrubtops had flowers on them similar to the flowers I want painted on my dresser once it's time for painting. I hope it's time for painting soon because I think it'll be fun, but I have such a hard time committing to that task. Anyway, I didn't take this picture today. I took it on the 19th when I was laying on pile of clean clothing and feeling pouty.

I fell asleep at work today. Not really when I was supposed to be working, but on my lunch break. I ate & read for 20 and then fell asleep for the final 40. I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep. I woke up with my face resting on my open book and a little bit of drool on my sweater. gross. It's because I've been out too late lately, but tonight I am home early and going to bed. I'm tired now. So, I'm going to call it a day.

Cuz I'm really just a sensitive artist

See this? This is my gift card to Hobby Lobby. Every year (at least for the past two years) us ladies in the front office have a cubicle decorating contest around Christmas. Some people really go all out. They bring in mountains of tinsle and scads of red & gold Christmas balls. They make signs declaring their cubicle to be the North Pole or Santa's workshop. The Christmas spirit is strong in them. This year there was even a feud running between a couple of them and so they felt the need to bring in new decorations to outdo each other everyday. For the past two years I have thought about bringing in a string of lights or something small but kept forgetting until a week or so before the contest date Erica takes pity on my and gives me some of her extra decor to put up on my walls. I never expect to win. This year when our office manager, Tammy, came around to get the names of our cubicles to put on the ballot I told her that there was no need to even put mine on, but she insisted. I think it was called "Starlight Starbright" or something of the sort because it was all silver & gold balls & tinsle and then Erica had also given me a plastic treetopper that looked like a star. I had this joke where it was the star of Bethlehem leading the doctors to my cubicle in the vote. Apparently it was. There were 1st, 2nd, & 3rd place prizes and despite the competition I somehow wound up with first place. I couldn't tell you how. I'm still rather baffled by it to be honest. I feel certain that there must have been some extenuating circumstances that led to me being chosen, but I'm not complaining. I've never even been to Hobby Lobby but the work girls have been selling me on it all day. Apparently, it's a truly amazing store. So, anywho...

You are extremely beautiful.

Book Club day. After several facebook messages and a month of bad luck at finding time to get together the day finally arrived and a whole half of the members were there. Not too shabby.

I was cranky today due to lack of sleep & food. Nick & I didn't get back to his house until 4:30 this morning and then we ate eggs in bread. It was too cold and dark outside to drive back to my apartment so I just borrowed a pair of sleep pants and stayed at Nick's. I didn't sleep very soundly knowing that I had to get home early to clean before the girls came so from 5:00 on I pretty much woke up every hour or so and poked Nick in the back to ask him what time it was. I'm sure he appreciated it. I got home around 9:15 and took a shower and worked on dishes. Our book club meeting was supposed to start around 12:00 but due to unavoidable delays started around 12:45. For some reason this prevented me from eating lunch. I can't really figure out why. We had our meeting and it was lovely. I wish I had finished the book a little closer to when the meeting was because several thoughts I had whilst reading it have left my brain in the meanwhile, but I'll plan better next time. Maybe even write things down. Whoa.

Mikka left around 1:30 and then Ari & Maggie left about an hour later. That led to my two hour nap and then I went over to my parents house to eat chicken and watch the movie Frequency. I love time travel movies even though the plots always have a zillion holes in them. You just have to go in with an open mind and accept things. Anywho, it's been a busy weekend. I think I'm going to watch Grey's Anatomy online and then go to sleep. Nighty Night.

You can stand under my umbrella.

Nick is in my blog a lot. Sometimes I think "Do I see anyone besides Nick?" I do, but for some reason it doesn't make it in the blog. I really do see Nick a lot though and we do so love to take pictures. Yesterday, I planned to clean my apartment for to get ready for book club and do other random odd jobs. Instead Mikka, Nick & I went to see Atonement which was lovely. I'm not sure if it was because I'd read the book a few years ago and knew what was coming but for some reason it didn't seem as depressing in movie form. Oh, it was still depressing, just not as much. Also there was lovelier scenery than there was in my brain during the book. Mikka had brought tissues in prepartion for sadness, but never got a chance to use them. It was a shame.

After the movie we walked across the street for Olde Peninsula for dinner and then separated. Nick and I were going to a party that night but it was a couple of hours away so I planned to clean more. I washed one stack of plates and then decided I would straighten my hair and then it was all over. I called it a wash and went over to Nick's house where we got into a ridiculous fight that could only be solved with time and slap & kick fight. He did offer to let me punch him in the face if I took my rings off but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. I don't think we fight like normal people. When we were done fighting we developed an inspired act to perform at the party which involved acrobatics and joke telling.

We headed over to Kristen's for the party around 11:00. Nick was in charge of the ice luge and therefore had to get there on time. The party was a good time. It's a story better told with pictures than this blog though. Also, it's time for me to actually clean my apartment as people will be here in a couple of hours. I should also shower. So, that's Saturday.

Parkophobia

Ah, Friday. I love Friday. When Friday rolls around that means I have two whole days to do anything I want. Usually I waste them on sleeping too late and then skulking about my apartment. I'm going ot try to not do that this weekend. I'm really trying to put this productivity thing into action. Maybe I'll even finish putting away my Christmas presents this weekend. I guess I sort of have to. The girls are coming for book club on Sunday.

The other day I left work at 17:08. I know because I looked at my car clock. My car clock is European so it likes to use all 24 hours. At any rate, I left work at 17:08 and when I got home the clock said 17:11. I had caught a lot of green lights so for a split second the clock tricked me into thinking I had made it home in 3 minutes, until I remembered that even when I catch the green lights it still takes me at least 10. My digital clock just stopped working for no good reason. It was 17:11 for about a day and a half until I was on my way to rehearsal the other night and it just started flickering and then the whole display showed up telling me it was 18:88 and -88.8 degrees. I don't know why things just stop working on my car. It's infuriating. The radio hardly even plays radio anymore let alone CDs or even tapes. I don't know what to do. Also, it makes me late to things because I have no idea what time it is.

Tonight I was going downtown to a show which I was told was at 10:00 (or 22:00, if you will). I thought I left in plenty of time but the roads were snowy and I have a phobia of parking so I parked way too far away solely because I was aware of a structure there that there's always space in. I got out of my car and started walking down the street in the freezing cold. After about 7 minutes of chattering teeth and the clip-clopping of my boots I check my phone for the time and see that it's 10:05. I decided to turn around and just go home because I was tired and had had enough adventure for the evening. I was supposed to meet Nick so I texted him that I was too late and then turned around and trudged all the way back to my car. Just as I got back to it Nick calls and tells me the show is actually at 11:00. I thought about walking back but the decided that was stupid and I must face my fear of driving around in circles forever and parallel parking. It was easy peasy though. Fears are stupid. On the plus side I did get a lovely walk in and took some pictures of Kzoo for this blog. The show was entertaining and now I'm going to go to sleep because it's how I roll.

pineapple upside down day

I have to be honest. I was a little concerned about today. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Figuritively, not literally, of course. My bed is against the wall and therefore remarkably hard to get up on the literal wrong side of. I didn't get enough sleep and I was cranky all the way through work. It got so bad at one point that I actually took a picture of my shoe just because I was looking at it and thought it would be the most exciting thing I saw all day. I'm not exactly sure how I snapped out of it. I came home for lunch and that helped and then when I got home from work I actually did some tasks I'd been meaning to do instead of lollygagging on the internet. It was a wise decision. It made me feel like I accomplished something.

Rehearsal was good. I had better focus tonight. We went out for drinks afterwards at Zazio's/Burdick's. Good times were had by all. Well, I suppose I shouldn't foist good times on all as I did not go around and ask everyone if they were having a good time. I had a good time. I thought about taking pictures at some point but was not sure I knew these people well enough to expose my picture-taking compulsion yet. Baby steps. I sort of forgot about it until Sarah (see picture) and I were walking through rape alley back to our cars. It's a terrible name but it really is a creepy alley where one fears they might get raped when one is walking all by themselves. We actually took two photos. I'm a jerk and posted the one where we both look a little goofy instead of the one where she looks cute and I still look goofy. And for good measure, here's the aforementioned picture of my shoe. Ah, my life is full.

burgers at night, marys take warning.

I suppose that phrase isn't as catchy as the one about sailors, but it's true man. Lately I haven't been eating dinner until after rehearsal which is way too late and they tell you not to eat so late because it'll make you fat, but sometimes it's the only time I have. Nick and I went to the Oakwood Bistro. I'd never been there before. It's cute despite that strange couple at the end of the bar that gives you the stinkeye when you walk in. Nick's friend Jane works at GAP and she save Nick this display from the trash because he likes the picture. He has a postcard of it on his refrigerator and now he has a large cardboard version of it leaning against his bedroom wall. The more I look at this picture the more bizarre I look -neckless and fat with a strange shelf-boob thing going on. It's because my back is to the camera. That strange shelf-boob is actually my shoulder. Oh well.

A sad decline in photog

I swear these pictures are getting more painfully boring as the month goes on. I should use this revelation as inspiration to start doing exciting things... someday. This is a hallway at work. There are still Christmas decorations hanging from it. Not quite sure why. Maybe it's to remind us that we should have the holiday spirit all year round. Maybe it's just festive. I'm trying to think positive thoughts. At least they finally took the tree down last week. I don't know why I'm so ready to get rid of all reminders of Christmas immediately after it's over. I think it's the letdown factor. There's such buildup going in and then all of a sudden it's over - like jumping off a cliff. I don't like to dwell. Dwelling is depressing. I just like to move on which is why my meager decorations came down on the 26th. I suppose I'm just a bit of a grinch.

It occurred to me this morning that I haven't been taking my role in my play as seriously as I ought to. I've really been phoning it in and that's not really fair to the character or the others who are also in the play and it could also be rather humilating if I just suck completely. My goal is minimal suckage. So, I decided I needed to start really focusing on this character as I have other characters in the past even if she does seem to lack an emotional journey. I will find an emotional journey. Word. At any rate, I really do enjoy things more when I try.

I watched Law & Order: SVU tonight. Lately I've been trying to get back into watching TV a little. I haven't really watched anything for weeks and I kind of miss it. All these crime shows are really disturbing though. I think my absence from couch-potato-land has started to resensitize me to violence. That's all.

Just another manic Monday

Ah, yes, the start of another work week. Yawn. We have drug reps bring us lunch on Mondays. As it happens every Monday, we're used to it, we expect it and we're spoiled. We don't like "salad only" lunches and we get anoyed when they don't bring enough. Today the woman brought lunch from Chili's. Out of the whole Chili's menu she brought salad & fajitas which are loaded with peppers and other things I don't eat. So, I left and went to Big Apple for a sandwich. I like to sit by the windows. Windows are good for staring out of.

I was not very focused at rehearsal. It involved a lot of blank staring. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just zone out.

I'm watching Medium. I love this show. I like the family aspect of it. I ususally watch it with my mom and get agitated with her when she falls asleep and I have to tell her what's been happening. I don't live there anymore though, so she's probably missing this entire episode. I should call her...

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear

This is me around 3am. I've been a little fuzzy all day. I got home around noon with big plans of finishing the book I'm reading and getting all my laundry done. What actually happened is that I played on the computer for awhile, took a shower, and then fell asleep. I always fall asleep on lazy days. It's like my brain figures that I'm not really using it for anything useful so I might as well just shut it off completely. Silly brain. All would have been lost if I had just stayed in my apartment, but luckily I got a phone call inviting me grocery shopping as I needed to anyway. Once I was out of the apartment I saw no reason why I couldn't still use the rest of this lazy day for productivity. So, after I got home from Meijer I packed up my laundry and headed to the laundromat aka my parents' house. So, now, not only have I showered today, I've also washed all my clothes so I am a clean machine. Not to mention the fact that I watched a Netflick, which may seem lazy but I actually consider a productive activity since my queue is so long and I actually want to see these films. Tonight I watched The Prestige. It was ok, but when it got to the ending I was all "what just happened?" It was a little too farfetched. At any rate, it's no longer on my queue. I have completed that task. Now I haveto complete the task of sleep. Work tomorrow.

A level-headed person who makes bad decisions.

I didn't blog yesterday because I knew I would take a picture somewhat like this and I did not get back to this computer before the day was out. Went out with Nick and some of the girls from work (and David) last night. We went to see some comedians at the Laughing Post which is the comedy club downtown. They were touted as fantastically hilarious, I found them to be mildly amusing. Apparently, the last guy we saw is going to be on SNL next year. That made me realize that I haven't watched SNL at all this year. I think that's ok though. Sometimes it's not as funny as it ought to be.

After the show we went up to Shakespeare's for awhile. The work girls (and David) left and then Nick and I went back to Nick's house where he recreated how he saved his neighborhood from flooding by scooping out the leaves that were blocking the street drain. He did so at great personal risk as well because once that drain was cleared the water whooshed down almost sucking him in. Then he would've had to live with the sewer people. He is an inspiration to neighbors everywhere.

Now I'm sitting here on my bed with a bowl of clam chowder. Soon I'm going to do laundry. Maybe I will take a picture of my laundry for today's blog. We'll see.

me and my loosey-goosey rules

I'm not going to lie. I didn't take a picture today. I just didn't. So, here's a picture of Snark in a furious battle with my staplebiter. I took it yesterday. I might as well have taken it today though. All my days at work are alarmingly similar. I could've taken a picture of what I'm doing tonight, but it just would've been a picture of my laying in bed watching a Netflick on my computer. Yes, I have a large TV with DVD player and yet I can't see it from my bed so I make due with the smallscreen. Rehearsal was called off tonight on account of us accomplishing all we intended to accomplish Mon - Thurs. So, I'm intentionally doing nothing. It was a nothing kind of night.

I seem to be on the verge of tears today. Not for any good reason, I think it must just be stress and tiredness, etc. I went to Subway for lunch today. I was in line behind an elderly gentleman. When it was his turn he asked the Subway man if he had meatball subs. The Subway man did have meatball subs. There were so many more choices for the elderly man to make though. What kind of bread? What kind of cheese? Toasted? Do you want vegetables? Do you want condiments? He couldn't quite hear all of his options clearly. His hearing aids weren't being much help but he just watched the Subway guy's lips and peered at the toppings with his hands pressed to the glass. Finally, he had his two 6" meatball subs (on Italian bread, Provolone cheese, untoasted with no vegetables or condiments) and he thanked the cashier and walked out the door. I walked out shortly after with my tuna sub and watched him crossing the parking lot to his car.

For some reason, watching this whole interaction left me with an inordinate number of emotions & thoughts running through my brain. He was adorable really, in that way that old people are; that way that would perhaps be taken as condescending but that's really not how I mean it. He wanted meatball subs and so he ventured to Subway to get one for him and one for... who? His wife is the first thought, but maybe his friend or his dog or maybe they were both for him - one for today, one for tomorrow. At the same time it awoke that stupid terrified little part of my brain that fears getting older. I pictured myself in 50 years stooped and wrinkled with my hands pressed to the glass examining the pickles, lettuce & tomatoes. These thoughts of old Mary always lead to the same central train of thought of "Oh my god, what if this is all there is? What if 50 years from now I haven't done anything more than this?" Then the feelings of panic start to rise in my throat and I have to have the common sense part of my brain give me a stern talking to about how I'm still young yet and a lot can happen in 50 years. It tells me to assert myself and stop being so complacent.

There's a weird noise coming from my kitchen. It's irritating. I suppose it's good though as now it stops me from waxing lyrical on ridiculous fears of aging. Truthfully, I hope I'm like that man in going to places I'm not entirely familiar with even when I'm old and can't hear properly. I hope I'm like Grandma Lee, who turns 94, this year and yet is still taking care of herself and driving her own car. Or like Grandpa, who had open heart surgery last year, but still went up north to the cabin as soon as he could. I'm trying to think of a specific Grandma Marilin inspiration, but I think it's best if I stop. I've rambled on far too long and there is something creepy going on in my kitchen. I'm going to investigate.

the beautiful people, the beautiful people, bada bum

I took this photo at rehearsal. I was sneaky and did it without a flash and pretended I was just looking at old pictures and not actually taking a new picture. But I was. I thought it might be peculiar and attract too much attention if I just randomly started flashing my camera in the middle of a scene.

I'm enjoying rehearsal. I can't remember my lines correctly which is a little irritating considering I don't have as much to remember as in my past few shows. It should be cake. All the words are somewhere floating around my brain I just can't seem to get them to come out in the right order at the right time. Perhaps if I spent more time with my script... we'll see.

Once I took a cheesy internet survey that told you how you'd be defined in a dictionary given your name. That's all - just your name. There were no multiple choice questions, no random scenarios to puzzle out, I just typed in my name and they defined me. I am a level-headed person who always makes the wrong decisions. That feels more and more true everyday.

I came into rehearsal an hour later than usual because I wasn't in the scenes they were working. I missed warm-ups and apparently a rather messed-up version of the toss-the-ball-and-say-the-name game. It turns out that, despite the fact that we've been rehearsing for a couple weeks now, not everyone knows everyone else's name. At the end of rehearsal we were encouraged to socialize so we could at least know everyone's name. Most of the cast went to Burdick's. I went to Zazio's with non-cast and suddenly found myself in the land of beautiful people. It's a little strange. I'd been there a couple of times before but never noticed. There I was in jeans & a hoodie, wearing my Chucks and my puffy green coat surrounded by girls in leggings & pumps and listening to two men fight about shoes. "What am I doing here?" I asked myself. "I'm not even large yet still large enough to crush these little girls like Godzilla." Finally, it got to be too much. I had to leave. It was too sparkly in there. I can't even wrap my brain around getting all dolled up to go out for a martini on a Thursday night in Kzoo. It's too much effort. Anyway, I wish them the best in all they do and I bid them a good night. Tomorrow's Friday. I'm very glad.

The Birth of Snark

Here's Snark. Snark is my stress ball. Our office received several hundred stress balls from one of the drug companies to give out to people who visited our tent at the Relay for Life last year. I'm not sure if our tent was unpopular or if the drug company just gave us too many, but now there are several hundred stress balls in a paper bag sitting in the office basement. Snark used to have some sort of writing on him. I think one side said something like "83%" and to which the other side replied "Beat Hep C" or something like that. However, in my stress, I squeezed that white lettering right off of him. One day I was sitting through a stressful phone call with my scissors in one hand and Snark in the other and I accidentally cut him. Eventually, through much abuse, the small cut turned into a mouth-shape. Today I drew eyes on him and named him Snark and took pictures of him in various locations around the front office. I have to do these things otherwise I'd lose my mind.

I had noodles for dinner. I feel like the fattest fatty in all the land because noodles are quite filling and I ate nearly all that were given to me by the folks at Noodles & Co. Post-noodles I went to rehearsal and was surprised to find out I know all of my lines from the second act. Good on me. Now I'm sleepy. I'm going to go read my book (The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs) and perhaps go to bed early. Wicked.

Ah, yes, my old nemsis

I've decided I'm overthinking my blog. I expect it to be riveting and have fabulous pictures everyday, but that's impossible. The fact remains that when one decides to write everyday and at the same time one is me, it's not going to be sunshine and awesomeness everyday. It would be too much effort. I'd be exhausted. I'd also have to lead a completely different life. So, tidbits, that's the way to go I think.

Tidbit for today: I present my favorite parking spot at the Woodbridge shopping center or whatever it's called. I went to Big Apple Bagel for lunch today. This is my favorite parking spot because it's all off on it's own. It doesn't mush into any other parking spots so therefore no strange cars can get all up in your car's business. What's interesting is that when the entire parking lot was covered with snow they still plowed my spot. Yet now, that it's practically all melted, they seem to have taken all the snow left and plowed it right into my spot. Dummies.

Today was esentially the same as yesterday. Work, rehearsal, and now to find something to eat. I'm thinking about something of the sandwich variety. I actually have enough groceries to make food. It's weird.

An average day.

It's 2:00 am. My alarm will go off in 4.5 hours so I can get up and go to work again. Here I am blogging instead of sleeping. Lack of sleep rarely leads to good decisions.

It's lovely and warm outside. It's 52 degrees in the middle of the night. Or the middle of the morning I suppose. My window is open. It's been open for hours so I could hear the rain, but my heater hasn't come on. It wants it to be Spring too.

My first day of 08 with a regular schedule. The weather made me hopeful. Work made me indifferent. Scrabulous with Kendra made me aggravated. Rehearsal made me laugh. Dinner afterwards made me nauseous. Nick came over for a bit. It made us both depressed. Sometimes we're sadsacks.

At any rate, on this rather average day. The pictures didn't really turn out to be anything other than average.

The gingerbread giftbox I won at work in a drawing while I was gone. I didn't even know my name was in the running and now that box is mine all mine. For dinner I had a Firecracker Tendercrisp from Burger King. I ordered it with no tomatoes and lots of pickles. They tricked me into eating some tomatoes anyway which I was not at all pleased about. Especially because what I really wanted was noodles, but Noodles & Co. closes at 9 on Mondays and I didn't get there until 9:04.

I should sleep. My brain is trying to think deep thoughts which is never pretty. I rage against deep thoughts as they sadly turn out rather shallow and self-indulgent when one reads them later. Stupid blogs.

Dude, this day was so wasted, huhuhuhuh

I didn't really do anything today. Maybe it was the dreary dreary gray weather filled up with the cursed mystical fog. Maybe it's the fact that I have to return to work tomorrow after almost a full blessed week of remember what it's like without it. Whatever it was about today it was... depressing I suppose is the word.

It didn't start off that way. I woke up, played some scrabulous online with P-Ha & Schmem and then more scrabulous with Jackie Garrison. Then I called my mom and we made plans to go see P.S. I Love You and have lunch at Arby's. We did those things only in the reverse order. Afterwards my mom went grocery shopping and I came back to this apartment and wandered about idly for awhile before falling asleep. When I woke up it was dark and terrible. Well, mostly just terrible because it was dark. It makes one feel like them slept through the entire day. Now, even though it's only 6:30, I feel like the day is a wash and I should just wander about idly some more possibly pausing to mope every now and then. I blame the fog. It fogged up my brain. I'm going to go find dinner because chewing and swallowing some sort of meal generally wakes my brain up - maybe then there'll be redemption.

El Wikandio

That's how you say weekend in Spanish. Or Italian. Or Itanishalian. As Jane loves the cleaning bits that I tell about she will be ecstatic to find out that I cleaned my living room and part of my kitchen today. I feel much better. I finally took my sad little strand of Christmas lights down and cleaning up all the wrapping paper scraps from my floor.

Around 3:00 I went to Barnes & Nobel with Nick. He had gift certificates and I was in the market for a calendar. It was the saddest selection of calendars I have seen since I went to Meijer last Wednesday. I realize that we are into '08 now and maybe I should've bought a calendar before hand, but please, we are not even a week in, there should still be a little bit of a selection. Nope, what I have to choose from is Fabulous Frogs or Small Arms. Arms as in firearms not arms as in people arms. Although, it would be interesting to find a calendar that's just pictures of people's arms. Small arms. It would be cheating if they just took pictures of children's arms because obviously their arms are going to be small. I think it should be small adult arms. At any rate, that would be more interesting that pictures of various frogs in stupid costumes and guns which make me uncomfortable.

On another B&N note, I wonder if someone can explain to me why such a large bookstore has only two puny columns of shelves in a corner reserved for theatre arts and yet a whole row of bookshelves devoted to "manga" which appears to be some form of anime? Seriously? Anime is more valued than theatre? Methinks something is rotten in the state of Barnes & Nobel.

When I got home I intended to continue cleaning but instead decided if people could see into my apartment from the outside. I think maybe if they were in the third floor apartments of the buildings across the way and had binoculars, but seemingly not from the parking lot. I know because I looked and then took pictures. It's important to know these things.

my last day off = my sad day off

If you look about halfway up that TV screen on the right hand side you'll see me & Nick. He's in black and I'm in green. We were in Target returning curtains. They filmed us while we returned curtain so they could keep track of us to make sure there wasn't any funny business going on. There wasn't. We were just returning Nick's curtains.

Today was supposed to be marvelously productive considering yesterday's Panera debacle. It wasn't. It was my last day off (weekends don't count) and so therefore I rebelled against my goals and chose to mope by laying in bed too long and doing lazy things like reading and checking my email several hundred times. I made a sandwich on my sandwichmaker. Then I read some more. On the plus side, I finished our book club book, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, which was amazing and I highly recommend to anyone.

At 3:00 I had my first costume fitting. It couldn't have been easier. She had two outfits for me to try and both of them fit. Also, I'll be wearing a wig again so I can get a haircut which I've been wanting to do for awhile. After the fitting came the aforementioned trip to Target. We wandered the store for awhile. At the checkout I bought a diet 7Up even though I had decided I was going to go pop-free for awhile. It was my last day off. I was fighting a sadness that only 7Up could cure. Don't judge.

Now I'm on the bed again. It's comfy here. I like it. I have to leave for rehearsal soon.

NO MORE PANERA

Nick & I were at Panera for so long today. So very long. It wasn't our intention. We met for coffee aroud 10:45. I had a mocha, he had a tea, we both had asiago cheese bagels with plain cream cheese (his toasted, mine not). I had made a plan in my head to see "Walk Hard" at Crossroads at 11:20. When I checked the time it was 11:30.

I thought maybe I'd go to the 1:30 show instead. That gave me time to enjoy my bagel and relax. Besides Nick was showing me his New Year's photos. Fabulous shots of us sitting in enormous bathubs and sneaking about in mysterious stairwells and looking sassy with confetti in our hair. He made a facebook album but his battery was almost dead. We had to move to the couch in the corner because their was an outlet over there to plug into.

Once on the couch there was plenty of room to laze about. We tagged his newly made album and took photos of ourselves. Nick told me he had had dinner with the Hanavans last night and heard a rumor that Louise was sad. Then we wanted to visit Louise immediately, but alas we have other committments that prevent us from leaving before the end of Feb.

We were playing with Nick's computer and I said "I want to make a video of us saying hi to Louise so she doesn't feel sad." We realize that we cannot take away anyone's unhappiness completely, but like to think we can distract them for a moment and let them know we care. We filmed 3 short clips about how we love Louise, but also mostly about chickens, and then spent the next several hours editing them into a masterpiece. By the time we were done it was 4:15. We had spent 5.5 hours at Panera. That was just too much.


We parted ways in the parking lot - both of us with dreams of salvaging the day and ridding ourselves of the scent of burnt coffee grounds. Did Nick succeed with his plans of returning curtains to Target and going tanning? Who knows. All I know is that I failed in cleaning my apartment.

Day 2: Already a failure

I had an idea that I stole from Jane and that was to take a picture everyday in 08. I would then blog about it and even if it was only a little bit I would still be a lovely document of the day. Every day is special. At least it seems like it ought to be. However, here on day 2, I am without camera. I left it at my parents house yesterday and so there for missed several photo opportunities. The one I am the most sad about missing was a van that somehow slid sideways into a ditch on Gladys street. It was just lying there, leaning on it's side, with three cars parked on the road around it, the drivers milling about trying to figure out how to fix the problem. Also, my apartment's dumpster was quite full today with the remnants of Christmas. There was an old dresser dumped in there along with a number of appliance boxes and various other tidbits of life that would not normally be relegated to the trash unless one had just gotten a new whatever-it-was. I haven't seen so many interesting things in there since chair-dump day earlier this fall when for no reason I could see several of the complex's dumpsters had armchairs in them. It was peculiar. The last missed photo op of the day was simply that of my car buried in a foot of snow. It hadn't even been left alone for 24 hours and it was almost completely hidden in white. Hopefully, I'll get my camera back tomorrow so I can capture these treasures throughout the rest of the year. The world must know about things like what my neighbors are throwing away.

I've taken off work for the next three days to relax and get all the things done that I haven't been able to get done. I also did it in attempts to prevent burn out - I'm dangerously close. I actually was productive in several ways. I started a deep cleaning of my apartment. I bought some groceries and paid my rent. The other day Nick found an aiport employee ID badge in the parking lot so I found a mailbox and stuck it in it. That's what I was supposed to do per the instructions on the back of the badge. I don't just go around sticking found items in mailboxes. I went to rehearsal. We did a brief practice of the kissing scenes today. I'm a little concerned that we're all going to wind up with mono at some point during the run of the show but we'll see. Here's hoping for healthy actors. Luckily, my kiss is really just a mashing of faces with minimal fluids shared so any illness really should be able to be contained.

Now it's sleeping time. I'm going to go see if Jane took her picture today.

They say 08 is gonna be a good year (especially if you & me see it in together)

I have good feelings about this 2008. There have been several good omens already. For one, at work, the year stickers we put on the patients charts are purple this year. Last year they were brown (blech) the year before that they were gray (dreary) but this year they are a beautiful eggplant shade and I'm quite pleased.

I had no real celebration plans going into today but somehow it all came together and I actually had quite a lovely time. Perhaps the best New Year's in awhile. I had dinner with my parents & 2 out of 3 nieces followed by "dinner" at Saffron with Ari, Jim, Nick, & Schmemily. Emily downed 3 Sweet Lussies and made herself sick. She spent the second half of the gathering either in the restroom or walking outside to get fresh air. Poor, Schmem. She then left us to "go get wasted with the 'rents" because that's the kind of girl she is. The rest of us headed to the liquor store to buy gum, which sounds suspiciously innocent but I swear to God it's true. Then we went to a party at Nick's friend, Kristin's, house. Usually at those occassions I am without sidekick(s) and therefore silent and awkward, but with Jim and Ari there it actually turned out to be fun. What was surprising was that even after they left I still had fun, mostly because Nicky & I are wicked awesome and do awesome dancing and awesome photo shoots in enormous bathtubs and mysterious stairwells.

The bottomline is that the New Year started with a bang and here's hoping it maintains. I even have a new resolution to bring back the high five. High fives are great. They make everybody feel good and promote togetherness. Are high fives the way to world peace? Quite possibly. Give it a shot.