I can be alone. I can watch a sunset on my own.

Lately my eye twitches, but only at work. It's just been the past few weeks, but I think that's long enough to be irritating. I forget about it when I'm not at work. It didn't twitch all weekend but about an hour after I went back to work this morning it starting going like crazy. It may be a sign. My eye is warning me. If I don't get out soon my whole body will probably start going into convulsions.

This picture is from Friday. Nick & I art hopped. This hideous vomity beast is placed on the corner outside of Monaco Bay. Nick thought he was disgusting. So did I. We had dinner at food dance. I had a Cobb salad.

Nick's never seen the Mackinac Bridge despite living in Michigan for 27 years. I think this is ridiculous. I told Kendra about it and she said it isn't ridiculous. Whatever. I still think it's ridiculous because I've been over it several times and therefore assume everyone should have. At any rate, Nick & I are going to Mackinac on the 17th so he can be in the know. Weather permitting we're going to ride bicycles around Mackinac Island. It's going to be sweet.

Cece's birthday party was Sat. I ate two cupcakes and caught up on all the birthdays I had missed buying presents for. Not only Cece, but also Kennedy and Galileo, are now taken care of for this birthday year. I just have to stay on the ball to make sure I don't miss Lila. I have a month. I'm golden.

I think I'm going to bed now. I could type more, but I just don't feel like it.

A glimpse into the past

Back in college I would occasionally journal in random notebooks while waiting for class to start (or end). I found this delight while cleaning. It delights me more than others I've found because I actually remember this incident. It happened as I was walking to class up Grand River from the house on Cornell, just as I was passing the bus stop across the road from Abbott.


November 6, 2002, 6:43 p.m. from Kresge Hall: I think a homeless man mocked me. I was minding my own business, walking to ISP 205 when he stopped me by a bus stop on Grand River. He asked if i had 32 cents so he could ride the bus. I told him I was sorry but I didn't have any change on me. To this he replied, "Look, it doesn't matter. You look as good as hell anyway." Confused, I thanked him quietly and walked away. I was baffled. Was he complimenting me? I somehow didn't think so. I looked a fright. My face was puffy with sleep and my hat was covering my messy poof of dirty hair. So, then was he insulting me because I didn't have change? What kind of an odd thing is that to do? "You don't carry change around. You're ugly!" Good as hell can't be very good since hell is evil. It's like he thought I owed him something.

Hilarious! Oh, college Mary, you were so delicate and overanalytical. Le sigh.

Rage against the dying of the light

Was subjected to an unpleasant bit of road rage and general assholey-driverishness tonight. I was on my way home from Nick's when some douche in a red truck with a ladder on top (yet not a firetruck) tried to pass me in the left turn lane. It wouldn't have been a big deal except for the fact that I was wanted to pull into said left turn lane and they almost caused an accident. I honked my horn loudly in condemnation and then got behind them. We turned on to Gladys and then doucheman swerved onto the fork that goes off to the right. I thought he was heading for the Burger King but when I turned to glance at him I saw that he had just pulled over parallel to the street and was leaning out his open driver's side window to shout something at me whilst shaking his fist. I don't know what he was shouting but it didn't appear to be anything very nice.

Ever since "the incident" I've had an uneasy feeling like doucheman is going to come after my car and perhaps vandalize it. I dont' trust that angry man. He wasn't anywhere I could see when I parked but, at the same time, my car is just so damn distinctive. There are also little bits of paranoia lingering that make me afraid that the man will find my car and then somehow find my apartment and then find me in my apartment and be mean to me. It's ridiculous though. Stupid overactive imagination making mountains out of molehills. Stupid moody me sticking it to bad-driving jerks and then getting nervous when they stick it back. I think I'm losing my grip on my serenity. Ah, and I was doing so well.

On the plus side, Nick & I did finish season 3 of Supernatural. Now we're fully ready for season 4 to start on Thurs.

This picture seen above was taking in June when we had the tornado warning. I chose it because it's been rainy lately and it shows a little bit of my disctinctive car. I'm going to sleep now.

Why does it always rain on me?

This is what I look like when I ride in boats. Yeah, I'm pretty cool.

I haven't blogged in a very long time. Really, I suppose it was kind of a rough summer though I couldn't tell you why. Nothing bad happened per se, sometimes I just go through moody adjustment phases. I'm moody. It's true. I spent the last few weeks of July and just about all of August on mental vacation in Forks, WA. I just read that Twilight series over and over. It became like some odd sort of literary drug. I had to give them to Kristin though so she could read them and that was good. A healthy break.

I kept reading through the remainder of August and early Sept. I read and read and read and read. My favorites were "The Host" by Stephenie Meyer & "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger. (Why does blogger not give underlining as an option up top?) I recommend them both. They're delightful. I had read "Time Traveler's Wife" before, but just about completely forgotten it. There's a movie of it coming out around Christmas and I'm excited.

This unplanned reading whirlwind turned out to be cathartic though and I came out on the other side with some weird inner peace. Not the inner peace that you try to thrust upon yourself like Bridget Jones but the actual inner peace that comes with accepting problems and moving on. Just like in that serenity prayer. I am serene. Not completely serene like a smooth lake but far from a dark stormy sea. It's fun. I think maybe it's because all the reading made me use my brain again. The tedium of my daily life makes it possible to occasionally go for weeks without really using it.

Anywho, when I'm not reading or working I'm usually at Nick's house because we're making our way through Supernatural on DVD. We finished season 2 early last week and now are plugging away through season 3 to see if we can finish it by the time for season 4 which starts on the 18th. I have my doubts, but that's why they reshow me TV on the internet.

Went out for someone's birthday last night. We went to The Wine Loft which has a lovely atmosphere and I kind of love it there. I always discount Kalamazoo as a real city. Maybe because I grew up so close to it, maybe simply because it's too small, but I'm starting to realize that there's a fair amount to take advantage of here and, as a city, it's starting to come into it's own. These new places I've been to like The Wine Loft and the new Sprout (which is a restaurant where they serve me lovely curry) are more reminiscent of places I used to go in London rather than good old downtown Kalamazoo. Besides the loveliness of the atmosphere I had a good time with the people even though these large social events are usually a bit much for me. I think it's the reading-inflicted inner peace and perhaps the fact that I know a lot more people than I did a year ago. There were all sorts of people to talk to last night. It was crazy.

Well, that was a lot of ridiculous blather, but I suppose I had to make up for a couple months of absence. There go.

P.S. It's been raining for about three days straight. I'm tired of being moist.

Mary says: Read this book.

This book was marvelous. It had the misfortune of being read throughout the tornado that was my obsession with the Twilight series ergo it did not get the focus it deserved, but still, read it. It's hilariously funny and devestatingly heartbreaking and only 240 pages. I just finished it this evening and surprised myself by actually blurting out a distraught "no!" at one of the revelations. I didn't even tell my mouth to speak, it just did.

Lately I've been spending a lot of alone time reading and thinking and eating atrociously. I daresay that is what has led to my five pound weight gain and my recent troubles with acid reflux. Nevertheless, I think it's been good mentally. Well, maybe not the weight gain. The weight gain has been very bad mentally and physically, but other things have been good. I don't really feel like going into details though.

I haven't written for quite awhile. I wonder what's been happening. Ari & Jim's wedding happened. JaneBash. Work - lots of work. I haven't been taking as many pictures though. I guess I sort of lost sight of why I made that resolution which was to pay more attention to my surroundings and value moments more. I mostly feel ok about it though because right now my camera's kind of craptastic. That's what happens when you drop it in McDonald's parking lots and let it get shifted down to the bottom of your purse with all your junk sitting on top. Sorry camera. I'd be more sorry though if this picture of Cece that could be beautiful wasn't all smeary. I like it anyway though and decided to share.

I'm going to go attempt to fold the clothes in my laundry basket that I washed three weeks ago and maybe do some dishes. Books are inspiring.

flipping out.

I reactivated my facebook account today. I said I would go a week and I did. Now I almost wish I had said a month. There's a lot of good to be said about the general idea of facebook. You can connect with old friends and share pictures and play games, etc. etc. Overall though, it seems like it's just too much information. You're not supposed to know what everyone is doing all the time, you're not supposed to know every detail of a near stranger's life or keep tabs on your ex even after they moved away, you're supposed to be able to lose random people from your past, it's the natural progression of things. Ignorance and drifting apart is what keeps people sane. At least that's what I think.

I really do like looking at other people's photo's though. Here's a photo Molly took from St. Patty's Day. The ESPN van in the parade was handing out these masks of this man's face. I have no idea who he is, but he is somehow connected to ESPN ergo sports. I bet Kendra knows who he is.

Today I watched an episode of The Mole on my computer and then shortly after dozed off. I didn't realize I had fallen asleep though because the next thing I knew I was waking up and when I looked at the clock it said 8. I jumped up cursing because I thought I was going to be late for work. I couldn't figure out what day it was and was debating whether or not to call my boss to tell her I overslept when everything clicked back into place. It was 8pm not am. The funny thing is that I couldn't have been asleep for more than about 20 minutes. Somehow I just got so confused.

I took a shower and went to Meijer to buy some groceries. While I was there Nick called and so I bought the both of us food and then went to his house so we could watch the new episode of Flipping Out, which is this reality series on Bravo about a guy who flips houses for a living. His name is Jeff Lewis. He's pretty funny. This week he had to fire his assistant, Jenni's, husband. This led to the deterioration of their marriage which was very sad. In her sadness, Jenni made several mistakes and stepped on a roofing nail in soft soft shoes. Jeff didn't get mad though because he really likes Jenni, but not so much her (soon to be ex) husband.

Now it's bedtime. Good night!

quit elbowing me in the flabia

Here's Nick talking to Jango. He's telling him not to jump out that window. Shortly thereafter he put the screen up. This also happened on the 4th of July. I took a lot of pictures that day.

I've now gone 48 hours without facebook. There are a few moments that are touch-and-go, but I haven't backed down yet. I aim to last at least a week. Today, in lieu of facebooking, I went shopping. I bought a few new shirts and a lovely short-sleeved cardigan. I love cardigans and now I can wear them in summer too!

Around 8:00 I headed down to Food Dance for a gathering. It was fun. To be honest, I was a little surprised. Lately I'm just trying to get out of my apartment because too much alone time is poison. I get angry and sad and pick fights with people who surely don't deserve it.

Last night I went to see Pirates of Penzance at Kindleberger. The chorus parts were pretty rough but the leads were strong which was the saving grace. As a small child was walking up the grassy aisle to his seat he tripped and spilled popcorn all over the blanket I was sitting on. I picked up the bag with what was left inside and handed it to the boy. He took it and ran away to his mother. Later, when he was sent to get some more, as he was passing me to get back to his mother with the second bag he turned and stared at me like "Bitch, don't you even be thinking you gonna get some of this bag." It was silly.

It's bedtime.

all out of love, all out of faith

I deactivated my facebook account for awhile. I didn't die. Nick put up a facebook status that makes it sound like I did, but I didn't.

My parents found this trapped raccoon on the fourth of July. This trap wasn't even set at the time the little fella got caught. Apparently, he's just a bit of a stupid raccoon. Cute as a button though. They thought he'd probably been there for a couple days. They thought he was stuck in there through the big storm. Poor guy, that must've been terrifying. He was somewhat protected by the eaves of the garage, but still, it was a bit storm.

The big storm did this to one of the maple trees in my parents' yard. It fell right on one of my dad's sheds and knocked out the power and the cable. It was a mess. Dad says he's thinking of taking the whole tree out now. He think there's something rotten in the middle. I used to climb that tree when I was small. Once I fell off of it and got the wind knocked out of me. True story.

Back to the sun, back to the shore

See that cookie? The one with a quarter of it missing? It's because I ate that quarter. Know what it tasted like? Vomit. Seriously, literally vomit. It was like someone puked on a cookie sheet, baked it and dipped half of it in chocolate. So gross. So hilariously gross. It was the most eventful thing that's happened to me at work in a long time.

One of my coworkers is a real bitch sometimes. I'm trying to be the bigger person and not hate on her, but she makes it so difficult. I have stories. Oh, do I have stories, but part of my trying is not telling the stories because I would color them with my hate and then they might just be mean.

I have a lot of anger lately. It leads to a lot of swearing. I'm trying to release it into the air. Put it in a boat and send it out to sea. There's no easy way out of the things that I think are causing the bulk of it though so it just keeps building up. Maybe I should start focusing on accomplishing the hard out. I'm on a four year plan and the four years are almost up.

I went to have ice cream with Kelly DiPisa. I hadn't seen her in awhile. She's a nice girl. We had Coldstone.

I keep telling myself I'm going to vacuum and someday I will, but not this day.

Early bird gets the worm.

Or maybe early bird just sets her alarm wrong and what she gets is being up early for no good reason. That's what happened to me. I stayed up too late last night and intended to wake up around 8 :30, but here it is 7:30 and I'm annoyingly awake and know that it would be disastrous for me to try and sleep for one more hour and then get up. It simply wouldn't work. Body don't play that game. So, here I am. I'm probably going to need a nap later.

This is Sarrah. It's her birthday today. This is the face she makes when I tease her for something she said in reprimanding her child. I wish I could remember what it was, because it struck me as pretty funny.

She's getting better at reprimanding her child. I remember when Cece got reprimanded for playing with an electrical socket. It was melodramatic & uncomfortable. She took the scare tactic approach delivering an impassioned speech about electrocution. She takes the more no nonsense approach now. When Cece ate 50 Tums and wasn't allowed any dairy for the next couple days due to calcium overload, Sarrah just sat her down and had a conversation about how you shouldn't take grown up medicines even if they look like candy because then you might have to go to a place where you never get to see your mommy & daddy again (death, she's talking about the place of death). Which I suppose is also somewhat of a scare tactic, but I like to imagine the delivery was more calm & well-reasoned because that's just the truth, yo. I suppose either way worked though because Cece doesn't do either of those things anymore. I just always get uncomfortable around impassioned speeches.

Sarrah used to be named Sarah but she changed it in high school because she was feeling angsty & rebellious as high schoolers are want to do. Somehow it stuck. My mom still refuses to spell it that way. I think she feels a little put out that her spelling wasn't good enough. It's Sarrah's name though and I suppose she can do whatever she wants with it. Once you give someone something to have as their own you can't really dictate what they do with it.

I think I'll go take a shower now. Then perhaps I'll have time to stop somewhere and buy Sarrah a birthday present.

There once was a vortex...

I came home from work with a positive outlook. It's the weekend! It's a holiday! No work for 3 days! So many exciting thoughts and happy feelings and now they've all dissipated. It's a shame really. I started cleaning out one of my closets in that hopeful fervor, but now I'm just laying here on my bed and what was once so nicely hidden inside the closet is now on the outside dirtying up the rest of the apartment. If I ever finish this task I plan to keep my cooler & sleeping bag & toboggan in there. If I don't then I'll probably just shove the mess of empty cans & bottles & winter apparel back in there and call it a day.

My playlist ended. That means 2 hours have passed and I have nothing to show for it except for several uneventful phone calls that left me feeling socially awkward & boring. I don't like talking on the phone, but sometimes one simply has too. It's how one reaches the people who aren't present.

I'm hungry. About an hour ago I stated I was going to buy eggs. Then I put a headband in my hair, wandered around my apartment for awhile, and lay down on my bed again. I'm not good at living by myself. I lack focus and no one's around to ask me why I'm wandering around looking at my headband in various mirrors and mumbling to myself.

Sometimes I imagine that I'm slowly losing my mind from boredom and this blog will turn into a modern day Bell Jar - A ridiculously dull Bell Jar where Esther half-assedly cleans her apartment and tries on an array of colorful headbands that she'll never wear in public because they make her short hair look stupid.

I'm going to buy eggs.

100th ENTRY!!!

Here is my 100th entry. If I had kept with my plan of writing every day I would have several more. Mep. Things just aren't always very interesting.

I turned the air conditioning on today. I prefer to have the windows open, but it's just too warm. There are big fluffy white clouds in the sky. there's moving quite quickly. I wonder where they're going.

I had slimfast for lunch. Not so much because I'm on the slimfast program but just because I didn't feel like eating much. I've been eating a lot lately. I think it's because I've been so cranky. I think I've been so cranky because I've been too busy & not busy enough but not just regular busy which evens my mood.

I went to see Hair at the Whole Art last night. A girl from their cast died yesterday and obviously they were all feeling it, but the show must go on and so it did in her memory. I thought she had died in a car accident because that's how most young people I know who've died have died, but turns out it was a drug overdose. It's just as sad but with a little bit of head-shaking mixed in. She was only 18.

Hair is one of my least favorite shows ever, but they did well with it. I was entertained throughout. I always think the nude scene is too hyped up.

Ari's bachelorette party is tonight. I have to go buy her a present but am feeling pretty lazy and so have not even left the house yet today. I think it's acceptable though. This is the first Saturday I've just been able to lounge at home in awhile. I like going out of town, but here is nice too.

Next weekend is the fourth of July. Sarrah's birthday. I should buy her a present too. Perhaps while I'm out shopping for Ari. Perhaps later. It'll get done. It'll all get done in due time.

Last night I had Burger King at 11:00 while I watched episodes of Dead Like Me on Netflix. I need to stop eating so much fast food. I need to start cooking. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. Maybe I'll go grocery shopping today. I might take a nap.

Excerpts from camping

Friday, 6-20-08
11:23 p.m. I have a flashlight strapped to my head. Kendra loaned it to me. That's because of the camping. It's happening all around me. Brandon & Emily are trying to read but sometimes I make too much noise. Sometimes they make too much noise.

Earlier as Kendra, Emily & I were walking to the bathroom to brush our teeth, I was swinging the flashlight and asking, "Hey, guys, what am I?" First, I was Kendra in her flashlight hat swinging on a swing, then I was Kendra in her flashlight hat saying no, then I was Kendra in her flashlight hat caught in a tornado. The girls weren't interested. They never guessed at all. They didn't want to play with me so I played with myself. That's what she said. Later when I walked Brandon to his car to get more water from the trunk I played the game with him. His guesses weren't very good but he humored me and laughed appropriately.


Saturday 6-21-08
8:26 a.m. This forest floor is one hard mofo. There's a black & white dog with a red collar just running all around the campsite by himself. Probably chasing squirrels. By himself. Where are his owners?

8:48 a.m. Am sitting alone out by the fire pit. Kendra says an animal attacked her tent last night by trying to get our food. There are bite marks in her tent. We think it was squirrels.

9:30ish We ate breakfast. Lauren found an Indiana Jones Adventure sppon in the Frosted Flakes.

2:57 p.m. Random items fell out of my purse during a beach walk. They still seem to work though which is a big plus. We had lunch around noon and I learned how to play Euchre. Pete & I beat Emily & Brandon best 2 out of 3. Due to confusion I may have been inadvertently cheating through 1.5 of those games. My bad.

3:54 p.m. Got called away to play catch with a football & frisbee with Kendra & Pete. I play sports like I imagine Luna Lovegood would. It rained for the bulk of the morning. It's sunny now but quite windy as we sit on the beach. Pete's reading The Firm, Brandon's reading about Obama & Emily's sleeping with her Mayflower book on her lap. Lauren & Nick are just chatting. Kendra went back to the campsite because a friend of her's is coming.

12:51 a.m. (Sun.) We went to South Haven. Mini golf closed. Ice cream fell on ground. Sleeping bag got sprinkled on. Was hard to get along with.

Then we went home on Sunday but I didn't journal about that since it was mostly just packing & driving. I can't believe that there's not a single mention of the tires on the beach or Brandon's neckroll. Sloppy journaling, Mary, Sloppy.

When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire.

Ha, I haven't update since May 19th. You'd think more would've happened, but it hasn't. I was up north last weekend. It was lovely & lazy and yet one day at the office just about undid all the good of vacation. There's stress there. I'm watching Bones on TNT. She loves her job, she feels passionate about it. Someday I'd like that. I may be too lazy.

I guess I'm not very interesting as I can think of no stories worth blogging. Stories come with conversation, blogging is all one-sided and nothing inspires. I like up north. Next weekend I'm going camping. I only have to drive one hour. I like that. I have my sleeping bag & my roasting forks. I'm ready. Now I'm going to eat some peach sorbet.

Chinese, Japanese, Knobby Knees, What are these?

Lately I feel like I'm not retaining memories of my life. It's all just slipping past in a blur. I always feel like I'm present and in the moment, but the minute I move to a new location it's all gone. For example yesterday. I got up around 9:00, went to my mom's house by 10:00 and spent a chunk of the day there doing laundry and chatting, I left around 4:00, was at Nick's house by 4:30 swinging in the saggy hammock and planting lovely plants in a garden, and then around 8:30 I was home and doing... something. This was yesterday. It feels like it was a week ago.

Lately it's incredibly hard to find charts at work. I'm not sure where the ones I want are hiding but I do know that they don't seem to be in any of the usual places. It makes it hard to pass on phone messages and solve issues that patients are having. It all gets done, but with much more stress & aggravation than it used to.

This play is almost done. This upcoming weekend is the last weekend. I think I'm going to Ohio on Sunday, I should firm up those plans. Tomorrow perhaps. Tomorrow I'll do a lot of things.

glaciers melting in the dead of night

Yesterday I went to a big "garage" sale at my sister's church. I had just arrived and was glancing over the tables when I spotted a small pink gumball machine. I thought "Hey, I used to have one exactly like that" and oh how the childhood memories came rushing back. I pointed it out to my mom and was I the verge of asking her if she knew were mine was when the look on her face informed me that she knew exactly where mine was. It was on that table. That made me angry for awhile. Who gives away somebody else's stuff for somebody else's garage sale. Lame. It is true that I have nothing to do with a pink gumball machine and didn't want it but it's the principle of the thing. I got over my anger. The money's going to youth missions and I suppose that's fine, but thanks for giving away my childhood, mom. Sifting through the junk I also found an old jelly belly dispenser and a table lamp from my youth. Redonculous.

Our play opened this weekend and got a surprisingly good review in the paper. I haven't really enjoyed this show while it was happening because it was a lot of sitting around for me, but now that I'm in the homestretch I have that it-wasn't-so-bad feeling. I'm still glad we're getting towards the end though. There's no love lost between this show and I. Yesterday I did wear fake eyelashes for it though. They made me beautiful and made everyone fall in love with me. Now I'm going to eat lunch. Here's a picture of my mom & Kristin. I saw them yesterday. Sarrah's not in it because she was at her thieving garage sale.

I believe we can reach the morning light

When I was in elementary school I had a dream where I went to someone's birthday party and everyone in my class was there. Somewhere in the middle of the fesitivities a strange man in a tan members only jacket, a dark baseball cap, and heavy 80's shades came in and started cutting off peoples toes. You would never see him cutting them off or see toeless feet, that would've been far too gross for my little baby brain, but you knew because whenever someone's toes were cut off they turned into bad news. Eventually, I was the only one left at the party with all my toes and everyone was trying to get me. Turrible.

Last night I also dreamt that there was a birthday party only this time it was my own. I can't remember all the people that I saw there. I remember Kendra & Pete, and oddly, Pedro was there and Nick was there. There was a sense of impending doom about the party. (Only on my part because everyone else was having a lovely time.) I knew something terrible was going to happen and so I started confronted certain people on what it was. This somehow led me to the knowledge that eventually vampires/zombies were going to come to the party and start turning everyone there into vampire or zombies. In the dream I had memories of when it had happened a time before and how awful it had been that time. In true noble fashion & concern for all the dear friends at my party I planned to leave early, by myself, before everything went down. I figured I still had an hour or so though so I hung around. I found Nick and I told him that if certain strange happenings occurred after I had left for him to leave immediately. I didn't explain what was going on, I just told him it was really important that he got out. Right as we were having that discussion though strangers starting appearing around the room and I grabbed him and ran for the parking lot. There were a lot of these evil people and some stayed behind to get my guests but quite a few chased after Nick & me outside. I made it to my car, but by the time I got inside, I noticed Nick was still outside and it was too late. The dream went on in a very lonely and uneasy fashion. It is not pleasant to be the last human in a zombie/vampire world. I suppose that's what I get for not trying to get everybody out, but sometimes we just make bad choices.

Sometimes dreams are easier to decipher than others.

a guy like you should wear a warning

Yesterday as I was walking across the office parking lot to go inside I heard a honk behind me. I glanced back and saw a silver car coming towards me slowly, but the entire lot was empty so I figured it was no cause to hurry up as there were several available spots. I kept trudging along and then the man honked at me again and I was irked. I said out loud "I don't know why that dude is honking at me." and then I turned around to glare and it was my dad, so then I wasn't irked anymore. It was just a hello honk as he was dropping off some signs for the office. It was silly.

We had a meeting at work where we had to fill out all new paperwork because our doctors are separating from their umbrella company and so now we're legally all new employees of the doctors' new company. I hate paperwork. It's very dull. I almost fell asleep in the meeting. It was terrible but I couldn't help it.


After work I went and had porkchops at my parents' house. It was lovely. Then I went to the Crawlspace Eviction show and then late night. Then Molly & I followed Nick to Metro. Sometimes it's hilarious there and sometimes it's a little dull. Last weekend - hilarious, this weekend - dull. Sometimes I like hiding amongst the ugly people there, but... I don't know. Then we went to Steak 'n Shake. Now I'm bored with typing.

Worst. AdministrativeAssitantDay. Ever.

Here is a picture of my keyboard. They took in apart in attempt to dry it out and make it work again. I spilled water all over it. Also all over my desk and the other things that were sitting on it. After letting it dry for ahwile she put it back together, but B, N, V and 3 out of the 4 arrow keys were not working so I just switched it out with one that was just sitting around elsewhere.

Several stupid things happened at work today that normally would've made me pull my hair out, but I've been in such a good mood lately that I escaped them with little aggravation. Printers weren't working, people were being jerks, but meh, no matter. Also, our boss forgot administrative assistants day again. I think that's the most irksome thing. Pre-Tammy we were remembered with flowers, free lunch & free massages, now we barely get a nod. Mikka brought in a lovely spinach artichoke dip though and that was quite nice of her. I know that we're appreciated and then we have good benefits and all of that, but just counting the benefits as appreciation for secretaries day is kind of like getting a vacuum cleaner for christmas. It's very useful and I really do appreciate it, but I would also like something pretty.

I'm going ot go eat some soup before rehearsal.

Chickapaaaaay

I went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall with my mom today. Afterwards I made her stick her face through this display in the lobby so I could take her picture. We both thought it was pretty hilarious. What a silly thing to have in the lobby. The movie was enjoyed by all and then we went to Noodles & Co. for a late lunch. My mom & I - we have fun.


Kendra pointed out that I haven't blogged in a week. Perhaps because it was a long stressful week with very little joy. My job is the same as always. Friday we were scheduled to have a 2 hour meeting which actually turned into a 3 hour meeting meaning I didn't get as much done as I wanted to. Even if we hadn't had a meeting I probably still wouldn't have because lately I lack focus and am prone to staring at random spots in my cubicle for hours.

Here's a picture of Nick & Jango. We have fun too. Thanks to Jango I can now browse through those LOLcats and actually see the humor. I'm starting to get cat humor. Oh, Jango, you have opened my eyes with your ridiculous leaping and bounding about. Friday night Nick & I went out to get a bite to eat with Molly Senne at O.P. Saturday night we went to see Assassins at the Epic and then went to Metro afterwards. Amanda McFarlin was in town for a wedding and she, Ari & Josh Koets came to metro to meet us. It was a super good time. I had a lot more fun than I remember having in awhile. Amanda & I reminisced about elementary & middle school which was hilarious because I never get to really reminisce about those times. There are so few people in my life currently that were around for them. We figured out that we've known each other for 20+ years. That's quite awhile. Josh also brought back some memories when he posted a video on youtube from 5 years ago. It was of a time when Ari, Louise & I visited him in his new apartment. There were so many things I had forgotten that came rushing back.

Every now and then it's nice to have those people who bring back memories of good times before everything starting going to hell in a handbasket. I focus too much on what I've done wrong in the past instead of what I've done right or even the things that weren't wrong or right but just amusing, such as towel dancing.

Here's the vid. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovlbprouFoQ

It may not be as amusing to those who weren't there, but it sure cracked me up. Now for bed.

What TGIF means to me

Soooo glad it's Friday. It's felt like a very long week. Also, I have several important things that must be done (such as taxes) and I have trouble doing them on weekdays. Contact soccer was cancelled for tomorrow which is sad but I suppose just as well as I'll have that time to clean my apartment and do other boring but necessary things.

Nick bought a new car. Here it is in all of it's glory. He stopped by and we drove it to the carwash because the rain had left little dusty rainprints all over it. He was going to take his mom out to a lovely dinner in it and wanted it to be spic and span as it would be the first time she saw it. After driving a bit we finally found a carwash and then returned to my apartment parking lot for an impromptu photo shoot with new car. I love our impromptu photo shoots. They are ridiculous and hilarious and leave you with pictures of oneself leaping in the air like a leprechaun.

From there Nick went to the hospital to see his grandma and pick up his mom. I went to Kelly's house for game night. Turns out I'm tremendously bad at trivia, even pop culture trivia which is a blow to my sense of self. I've always thought I had a fairly firm grip on the topic of pop culture. Apparently, not so much. We watched some of Coyote Ugly on TV for awhile and then I came home. Here I am.

Snappy Music for the Cranky Soul

I saw this bird today when I got home from work. I watched him pull a worm right out of the ground and eat it. Ah, nature - kind of gross.

So, I've been strangely cranky all week. Today I realized how irrational it's all been. I sort of had an inkling, but today I'm starting to feel regular again. I guess some weeks are just like that.

I had Burger King for dinner because I wanted a hamburger and was too lazy to go the effort of buying the meat and cooking one for myself. I need to start forcing myself to cook more. I don't eat properly.

I went over to Nick's. He made me CDs of snappy music. I'm glad to have new music because I was currently feeling tired of all music I already had heard in all my life. The bonus of other people making you CDs is that you don't have to make an effort of what new music to listen to, they provide a sampling and then all one has to decide for themselves is yes or no. Must stop being so lazy, but sometimes it is quite nice.

The End.

you never were a friend of mine

I didn't take any pictures today because today was just blah. Work lasted way too long. I don't what's wrong with me. Some days my mind just isn't in the right place and I can't seem to get anything done because I'm too busy being bored. I've been feeling a little cloudy all week. I'm trying to shake it off because of it's ridiculousness. I have theories as to the cause of the cloudiness, but it's hardly for public consumption. It's not even for personal consumption. I banish you, clouds.

Here's another picture of contact soccer. I'm runnin'. Everyone's running, but I'm RUNNIN'. You can tell by our different postures. At least that's what I like to imagine is happening.

I enjoy just sitting in my sweatpants and eating dinner in front of the TV some nights. It's very comfortable and I'm a big fan of comfort. What I'm not a fan of is the lack of quality programs to watch which would increase said comfort.

My hand is falling asleep. I think that's enough for now.

There's a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella.

Here's a picture of Nick & Kelly playing contact soccer. I didn't take it and this particular moment doesn't really dispay the full wonder of contact soccer but close enough. As I didn't take any of my own I really can't complain. Beggars can't be choosers.

So, from the first moment I heard of contact soccer I was a little wary. My last foray into team competitive sports as an adult was the my disasterous attempt at participating in the volleyball tournament in Caseville last year. It reminded me that I hate volleyball. This reminded me that I don't hate soccer. Especially soccer where you get to knock people down. It's fun. All you have to do is run and kick the ball and shove the other people who are also trying to kick the ball and who are not on your team. You could shove the ones on your team but that's not very sportsmanlike. I didn't fully appreciate it until Kenny sent me flying through the air because that dude has some aggressions. Luckily, I wasn't hurt though because I would've gotten such a lecture from my father who didn't want me to play in the first place. I'm an adult. I do what I want. What I want is to shove people around while playing soccer apparently.

Now it's time for bed. I have a feeling I'm going to be sore in the morning.

and if she's been dumped a lot? Then what?

Today was not very interesting. I cleaned my apartment a little, I picked up some contacts from the eye dr., I went to Meijer, I showered, I watched the Tigers lose the 5th game in a row. I know the season's early yet, but it's still a little sad.

I'm watching cheesy movies on TBS. First was Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, now is The Perfect Man which is a Hilary Duff movie I'd forgotten even existed because I never had any desire to see it. It's on the TV though so I figured I might as well.

I'm sleepy and have felt very lazy all day. I'm going to watch this movie some more.

Winter for Poland and France

Here's a picture of a saw blade in my tire. It's the cause of my second flat tire in 5 days. Both were discovered while driving on the highway and hearing a phlumpf phulmpf phulmpf noise. Both were irreparable. On a happy note, due to my warranty, both only cost me $6.36 for new tire and service. Belle tire. I said that in the funny voice the tire say it in only you couldn't hear that because this is a blog.

My dad came out after work and changed that tire for me. Then he bought me dinner at McDonald's. He thinks I may have a saboteur after my tires. I'm currently thinking it's all a fluke. At McDonald's I played in the playland with Cece & Galileo. You're allowed to do that if you have small children. It's still quite small and statically charged in there though so it's not as fun as one would remember from childhood.

I'm in this play now. I'm in one scene for about five minutes, if that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no small parts only small actors, yadda yadda. I think I might be a small actor. It'll be fine though. I don't really want too much to a committment right now. I'm just concerned I'll wind up committing more than I'd like for being in one scene for five minutes. Theatre is my hobby, not my career. If it's something I'm spending my free time on, I'd like it to be fun... or sleep. Speaking of which...

Cinnamon and sugary and softly-spoken lies.

Today I planned to do nothing after work except for maybe pick up my contacts from the eye place, but my plans changed because I'm crazy spontaneous and fly by the seat of my pants. Tha'ts right, I said it. I got a facebook invite to auditions for a show at the Whole Art which apparently had a very poor female turnout the previous two evenings. It's a play with Irish accents and I like accents so I figured I could just go and read and everything would be fine. Turns out the play's text is very dense and having never read it before was quite the disadvantage. Also, my accent is apparently too fast. I can't help it. Brits are fast talkers, it's just the way. At any rate, 7 girls turned up for 6 parts so none of it really matters anyway. Unless I'm the worst.

After auditions I went to Burdick's with Sarah & Michael P. I hadn't seen them for awhile so that was fun. I had a burger. Nothing particularily hilarious happened but it was all very pleasant all the same. Now it's time for sleeping.

Too much candy'll rot your soul

Here's a picture of Nick with my flat tire. We were driving down I-94 this weekend chatting with the music playing rather loudly when I started to hear this strange phlumpf phlumpf phlumpf noise. I turned down the music and asked "Is that my car or is that the road?" Nick said that he thought it was the car but I said, "No, I think it's the road." and started to change lanes when my tire shredded revealing that it was definitely my car. Luckily Nick was with me and enjoys changing tires because it makes him feel very manly. It was quite the adventure on the way to Kendra/Brandon's birthday celebration in Royal Oak.

After work today I went to the tire store to see if I had a warranty as I had only bought this tire 4 months ago. It turns out I did have a warranty and about an hour later I was driving away with my new tire only $6.36 poorer. It was lovely.

Today was a strange day at work. 3 people called in sick leaving me and Pat, our med records gal, as the ones mainly answering the phones. I didn't get nearly as much done today as I would've like but it was a very low stress day at work considering. I just sat at my desk and answered the phones occassionally checking gameday to see how the Tigers were doing.

I'm watching the replay on FSN now even though I know they've lost. I'm not going to watch the whole thing but it's nice to see my boys again. Sadly Polanco was 0-6 which makes me concerned about being a Tiger jinx. Maybe I should stop showing preferences because they're usually followed by trading or poor performance. Either that or I should start showing a preference for Rodney in hopes that they send him away. Gary Sheffield looks much younger without facial hair.

I think I'm going to do dishes. I'm feeling productive today.

Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness

Am feeling strangely melancholy despite having quite a lovely evening with my mother. I don't know quite what to make of it.

Today was actually a refreshingly productive day at work. I got several projects done and had only one solitary chart at my desk when I left.

My mom and I went to see Vantage Point. It was kind of a silly movie. For the first half they were exploring various vantage points and then they got bored of that and the second half was just a regular movie. Also, I figured out who the secret bad guy was way before they told me, but I will not reveal that here in case somebody stumbles upon this who desperately wants to see it. After the movie we got some dinner and then sat around my apartment for awhile. I hadn't really talked to my mom in quite some time. It was strange to realize that. I've been quite distracted lately.

Am very sleepy which probably is adding to the melancholy. I think I'm going to read my book for awhile and then turn in.

Happy Birthday, Kendra. This weekend will be wicked awesome.

If I close my eyes no one can see me.

Sadly, today was nowhere near as productive as yesterday. Yesterday was full of hope and motivation for building a better tomorrow. Today was full of inexplicable tiredness which then led to a very lazy post-work day. All I've really done since I came home was lie in bed watching things on my computer. I watched a really terrible movie on Netflix called My First Wedding starring Rachel Leigh Cook. She's in a lot of bad movies. Then I think I fell asleep for awhile and after that I caught up on Medium. I don't remember what I did after that but it somehow led to now where I'm blogging about my useless lethargy. I have a dentist apppointment tomorrow. My window is open because I like fresh air but my heater keeps coming on so I should probably close it.

put it in a boat, send it out to sea

I'm feeling very clear-headed today. For several months now I've felt like my aura was cloudy. I've felt out of sorts and not quite myself. Today I had an epiphany of what my problem was: I've been losing perspective. I've been too concerned about what other people were thinking and more worried about the offenses that given to me than the offenses I've given to others. People are too complicated. I can't control what they think and do, but I can control me. I'm all about controlling me. I tell me what to do all the time. Ah, yes, deep thoughts. Cleansing to share and yet pretentious and irritating to read back later. I really think I'm on to something here though.

Today was another day at work. I didn't get as much done as I would've liked despite working my full 8 hours. I think I'm going to see if I can stay late a few nights and see if I can get to a point where I don't dread coming to work because of that feeling of hopelessness. I'm cleaning my kitchen today. I'm actually almost done washing all of my dishes. I haven't had every single dish washed for months. I also get lazy before I'm done, but today I'm determined. I will wash these dishes and cook some turkey helper and watch Britney Spears on How I Met Your Mother. That sounds lovely.

I eated the purple berries.

Easter. I celebrated it at my grandparents house. That's my grandpa there. We ate ham and deviled eggs. I played hide 'n seek with Cece & Galileo. I wore my new green shirt that I bought even though I was told it made me look sallow. Maybe it does but it has flowers on it and felt very springy & eastery. I'll be glad when this snow melts.

After I came home I watched half of Hollywoodland and then fell asleep. I'll watch the other half tomorrow maybe. I ate chicken nuggets around 9:00 because that was when I woke up. I don't like to fall asleep when it's light and wake up in the dark. It throws off my whole system. Now I'm going to sleep again. Only it started out dark this time so it'll be ok. Good night.

I blew my nose and lettuce came out

I've never been to Pappy's, but the sign has always been intriguing. Mostly because of the burro. I like to say burro. Sometimes when people are deciding where to eat I suggest Pappy's just so I can bring up this sign with the burro.

Went to the Laughing Post last night to see Tracy Morgan. It was painfully bad. I knew no good would come of it after he opened his act by mumbling "Suck my cock. You wanna suck my cock. Suck my cock." for two minutes straight. He did not seem to be present in the room with us but rather in a magical land in his brain where liquor flowed like water and all conversations led to "pussy." Terrible. It was a shame.

After the show Jane wanted to go immediately back to her car which was at Nick's house. Once we were there Nick wanted to go back out and so we said goodbye to Jane and we headed back downtown to Metro which turned out to be surprisingly pleasant. People just kept telling me they liked me. I love it when people tell me they like me. It makes me like them. Then Metro closed and we wound up following two random guys to one of Nick's friend's apartment. I don't know about those guys. By this time it was way past my bedtime though and shortly thereafter I was sleeping. The End.

In like a lamb, out like a lion.

This is my car stuck in the frozen tundra that is the parking lot outside my apartment. It's stuck there. I thought I could carve a path, but no, the snow is fierce. Tomorrow I'm going to borrow Nick's snow shovel and see if I can dig it out. It's out of the main driveway, but hardly parked in a proper fashion. Stupid snow. It's supposed to be spring.

We had a meeting at work today. We each had to go around and say one thing that frustrated us about our job and then we had to say one thing positive about it. Everyone varied on the negative but on the positive everyone commented on what a good group of people we have working there and how well we get along. Everyone except me. I said that I liked it when the drug reps brought in free lunch. They laughed but it really is my favorite part. The free food and paycheck is what keeps me coming back.

Went out with Brad, Jim, Jane & Nick to Olde Peninsula. I had a cheeseburger. i can has cheezburger. Cat humor is mostly lost on me but that doesn't mean it doesn't pop into my head every now and then. I'se sleepy. That's just the truth.

In the winter of my life

Here's a picture of an anti-war protest taking place in downtown Grand Rapids. On Saturday I was sitting in a parking garage reading a book when I started hearing this strange rythmic noise from outside my car. At first it was inexplicable. Just noise. Then as I listened harder it started to turn into voices. After a few moments I began to make out the words "NO MORE WAR!" over and over. I got out of my car and walked to the edge of the parking garage and saw the several hundred people I imagined just passing through with their banners. I had never seen such a large random protest. Why March 15th? Maybe I'm displaying my ignorance of current affairs. I do know there's a war going on, but there were just so many people...

My father has turned 60 years old. On Saturday we had tapas for his birthday. It's hard to eat tapas with 8 people. My ideal would be tapas for one and that one being me, but I suppose that defeats the purpose of tapas. I had a slumber party with Kennedy and her fam directly afterwards. We ate pizza and played rock band. I was super cool - especially when you're a four year old. I spent a poorly slept night in those little girls' room. Lila was having bad dreams and Kennedy occasionally had to get up for a drink and I'm a light sleeper. That combo did not add up to sweet dreams for me.

I went to Little Women auditions last night. They had me read for Jo six times and then called me back for Aunt March. Apparently, they saw me as an old woman. It's a little confusing as there actually are genuine old women who will probably get the part over me as, but I will go and play along.

That's my weekend in a nutshell. Now I must sleep as I am sick again.

nothing feels the way it was before and I don't know how to proceed

I don't really feel like typing much about tonight. Things got strange. I was cranky. Weird inadvertent fighting where nobody was actually fighting. Etc.

Started out fun. Went to a show with Nick. Molly was there. There were trees to climb, sculptures to jump through, benches to sit on a pictures to take.

Went to Burdicks. Kind of hate Burdicks. Makes Mary cranky. Stupid Burdicks.

I think my vocal cords are bleeding and growing nodules.

Am mess.

dining on bits of moon

I can't seem to fully get rid of the vomit smell in my bathroom. Something has to be done. I've cleaned everything multiple times and yet still there's an odor. I need to borrow my mom's air filter or get some air santizer or something. Ugh, very unfortunate.

This is Nick at Target. We randomly stopped at Target after we went to Coldstone to get the ice cream that was very delicious but made me feel very badly in my belly. Nick was fascinated by this toy that you could make move forward just by turning the little steering wheel. It was fun. One thing I know about Nick: when I'm with him I stay up too late. I should be sleeping. We sang for awhile. My voice is jacked. It needs water and rest. Just like the rest of me.

There was puke in my hair.

This is Kristin. This was taken on Sunday. She looks all pleasant and fun-loving. She looks like she's having some laughs. This was before I knew Kristing infected me with some sort of projectile-vomit-causing bug. Boo, Kristin. There was puke in my hair! There was also puke all over my bathroom. So not only did I have to deal with the puking in the first place, but then I had to relive the grossness by cleaning it up. I went through quite a lot of papertowels.

I'm not going to work tomorrow. I already called Tammy. Ugh, I feel gross. I'm going to bed. At least Kristin says that it's only a 24 hour bug. Maybe when it's over she can be redeemed.

punching sheep and squealing "Sheeeeeee!"

This picture was taken yesterday which feels remarkably far away from right now. It's a little bizarre. My sense of time is not what it used to be. Galileo came out of the playroom with this same bucket on his head that Lila came out with on her head a few weeks ago. I don't know what it is with those babies and puting this bucket on their head but it's hilarious everytime and I hope they keep doing it. It was a bucket I brought home from the hotel we stayed at the weekend of Kendra's wedding. It used to have goodies in it for wedding guests, now it just has baby heads.

Today was extremely dull, occasionally frustrating and overall pointless. I hate pointless days. Today leaving work it was a touch springy out (I think just because it wasn't freezing) and for a moment I remembered what life used to be like when I was doing things I wanted to do. It was so long ago. I need to find out what I want to do and do it because things used to be a lot more fun. I think that was about 8 years ago and did I appreciate the fun then. No, I did not. Oh, life, why do always teach me lessons by way of hindsight? I wish I knew what I wanted to do. Right now I want to sleep.

Please don't stop the music

This is kind of a funny picture of my dad. It's rare that you catch him in a solo shot smiling and having his eyes open. Remember this picture, for it may not happen again. He's generally determined to frown at cameras because he finds it amusing and his eyes just automatically close of their own accord even though you'd swear to God they were wide open when the flash went off. Haha, got you, Dad.

We had brunch this morning because of Aunt Mary visiting from Idaho. It was a big todo. Several relatives. The overwhelming feeling several relatives in a small room brings. Etc. etc. Babies are fun though and now apparently number five is on the way. Welcome new baby, see you soon. And by soon I mean October which isn't terribly soon but still soon enough.

I washed several dishes today. Nick came home from New York. We went to Qdoba for dinner. It made us feel sick. Ugh, Qdoba, but oh how I love your limey-salty chips. Nick's coming to Kendra's bday celebration with me. That's fun. Now sleepy. No more typing.